


The Forgotten

by StormyBear30



Category: Roswell (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-25
Updated: 2011-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30





	The Forgotten

I had known about Max for as long as I can remember. He was always the sickly neighbor who was never strong enough to come out and play with the rest of us. I remember when I was younger being forced to go and play with him…because none of the other kids would. I hated Max…hated everything about him. I hated the fact that he was to sickly to play out in the sunshine…forcing us to constantly play indoors on the most beautiful of days. I hated that I had to pretend to be his friend…when just the sight of him most times set my skin crawling. I hated that I was forced to play with him…when all I ever really wanted to do was play sports with my true friends…my real friend. I can remember everything about his house…his room…remember how sterile and cold it was. We weren't allowed to rough house…weren't allowed to make any messes like normal kids our age did. His mother was just as cold and sterile as the house was and she frightened me to my very core. For years she would eyeball me each time that I entered her home…warning me…scaring me…daring me to make one simple mistake. It was as if she knew that I was trouble and she was going to ensure that I did nothing to ruin her rules of the manor. This same game went on time after time after time and then one day it just stopped. My mother told me that I wouldn't have to play with Max anymore and it wasn't until years later that I asked why.

Yes I forgot all about Max after he left…focusing instead on my life and what I wanted to do with it. I had a pretty normal childhood for the most part…until I turned about thirteen and then my life took a dramatic turn. I always kinda suspected that I was different from the other guys that I hung around with…but I couldn't really explain why. Don't get me wrong I love sports…loved rough housing with my boys…but sometimes during those times of rough housing certain things happened to me that never seemed to happen to the others. I didn't know what was going on with my body…but where my friends were getting turned on by naked pictures of women having sex…my eyes were always drawn to man doing the fucking. Even at the young age of thirteen all of those same friends had a sex story…true or not…to tell about the girls of our school. I…however had none…or none that I wanted to share that was. By the time I was fourteen I knew that I was gay and little by little so did the people around me as well. I guess that you could call me lucky…but my being gay never really mattered much to me or anyone else for that matter. I was still popular…the captain of all major sport teams and occasionally I would be lucky enough to find another like me…whom I would fuck and dump like any normal guy my age would. My life was great…perfect in every way and then it all changed in an instant the summer after my senior year.

The day started out as any other. I slept till noon…got up…hung out with my friends for a bit and then headed home for dinner. I noticed the moving truck across the street from my house…but I paid it no mind because many people had moved in and moved out of the house that at one time belonged to Max and his family. My mother was giddy with excitement as I entered the kitchen…falling into the chair at the table as I waited for her to serve me whatever grub she had cooked up for us. "Guess what Kyle?" she questioned me...but I wasn't paying much attention to her as I dug into the salad placed before me.

"Mmm?" I mumbled…shoveling another forkful into my mouth

"You'll never guess who is back in town" she went on…not even noticing that I wasn't paying her much attention. "Max Evans" she exclaimed…forcing me to drop my fork as an old name came back to haunt me.

"Max Evans?" I repeated…more to myself then to her. "I thought he was dead" I spoke truthfully…because I had just assumed that because of his sickness his time had come.

"Kyle Valenti. No…he's not dead" she cried out…sending me a stern look that sent my heart racing…because I knew without her even saying a word what was about to come out of her mouth.

"No…no mom" I cut her off…pushing my plate aside before she had a chance to speak. "I am not going over there. I am not…nope…not going to happen" I kept chanting…hoping like hell that if I said it enough that she would leave me alone. However…I knew my mother and I knew that once she got her mind on something there was no stopping her.

"We are going over there to welcome them back to the neighborhood and that is final mister" she spoke firmly…shoving my plate back in front of me. "Now eat up" I was pissed…furiously pissed that once again Max Evans was back in my life and fucking it up as usual. Truth be told I didn't really have any major plans that night…just hanging out with my friends…but it was the principle of the matter.

I was sullen and moody as I lugged behind my mother as we made our way over towards Max's house. I didn't know why my mother was forcing me to do that…but what I did know was that I was never going to speak to her again and that she was going to be the one that suffered after I ran off to college and left her all alone. I could feel the blood in my body turn cold as we stood upon the porch steps…waiting for someone to answer the door. I can admit it now that I was petrified to come face to face with Max's hateful mother once again. However…instead of the pinched face bitch that I was expecting to find…instead a kindly looking older women answered the door with a smile upon her face that soon put me somewhat at ease. She was friendly and kind as she ushered us in…her smile never fading as she introduced herself to both my mother and I. She was literally giddy with excitement as my mother informed her that Max and I were once great friend. I had to bite the inside of my cheek at her words…but thought better of it by the outright look of happiness on the women's face. We found out that this woman was Max's aunt and legal guardian. I thought it quite strange that his wicked mother was nowhere to be found…but more then that I was thankful.

She excused herself after that…stating that she was going to go and get Max as complete dread began to churn inside me. I recalled the days from my childhood where I had been forced to play with him…when all I wanted to do was play outside with my true friends. I remembered feeling trapped and upset that my mother thought nothing of ruining my summer vacation in order to play with a sickly child that I had nothing in common with. "This bites…" I spoke harshly through the side of my mouth as I shot a hateful glare here way. I just couldn't understand or believe that on my last official summer before college she was forcing me to waste it once again.

"One more word out of your mouth young man and…" she didn't get to finish her words as the women walked back in with a Max that was the complete opposite of what I remembered. "Max…Omg…" she exclaimed…jumping up off of her seat as she rushed towards him. "Look at how big you've grown. Wow…I don't even recognize you" she went on and on as I continued to sit there with what I knew was a stupid look upon my face. "I don't know if you recognize me but I am Mrs. Valenti and this is my…"turning to face me she urged me forward with a swish of her arm and a dirty look to boot. "This is my son Kyle…" she went on…placing her hands upon my shoulder as she guided me towards the complete stranger before me. "You and he used to play together when you were younger"

"Yes…Mrs. Valenti…I remember you and Kyle" he spoke softly…shyly as he looked up at the two of us before drawing his eyes back down to the floor.

I couldn't move…couldn't say much of anything as I continued to gape at the silent man standing before me. I didn't know what to say anyways…so we all just stood there in awkward silence as the comfort level began to drop drastically. "Why don't you and Kyle go to you room Max and get reacquainted" I heard his aunt speak…sending that same comfort factor into the freezing double digits. I watched as he peeked up at me through long and dark eye lashes…before developing his fascination with the floor again. He didn't say another word as he turned away from us and slowly made his way towards his bedroom. I didn't want to go with him as images of his overly sterile room from our childhood assaulted me…but I knew that I had no choice as my mother gave me a hearty shove forward. Tenitively I made my way down the hallway…taking my own sweet time as I took in the many pictures of Max growing up lining the walls. In all of the older ones he always looked so shy…so pale…so scared…but as the pictures became more recent I noticed a complete change in Max that made no sense to me whatsoever.

"So what are you playing?" I asked standing nervously in his doorway moments later as he sat at a computer with his back towards me.

"You don't have to be nice to me" he whispered quietly…still not facing me as he continued to fiddle with his computer. "I know you don't want to be here and that you're only doing it because your mom is making you"

Guilt transcended me as I made my way into the room. It was as if at the very moment I felt his loneliness…his sadness…his pain. I realized that he must have felt horrible knowing that someone was being forced to spend time with him instead of doing what the truly wanted to do and it only made my guilt rise even more. "Look Max…if I didn't want to be here…trust me I would not be here" I lied as I made my way into the room…pulling a nearby chair up to the computer desk he was sitting behind.

"Maximum Thunder from down under…version six" He replied finally as he began to fidget with the keys of his computer.

"You're high Evans" I laughed slightly…patting him on the back as I got up off the chair and began to pace the room. "There are only five Maximum Thunder from Down Under games out now. Trust me because I am the king of all those games" I tried to be cocky as I threw my words over my shoulder before once again taking in the room around me. The first thing that I noticed was that it wasn't the same room that I remembered from before. Don't get me wrong since it was still loaded with several pieces of medical equipment…but this time around it seemed more like a guys room…homey…somewhat messy and with a pet tarantula to boot. I didn't know what was wrong with Max…not that I really cared before that night but as I turned to face him I found myself blurting it out before I had a chance to stop myself. "So Max…what the fucks wrong with you?"

I could see his entire body clench as my words hit him head on and I wanted to take them back right then and there…but as he turned to face me I could see that he was dying to speak of it. I could see that he wanted to maybe in a sense cleanse his soul…but then I realized that I was probably full of shit and waited for him to speak. "You mean you don't know?" he asked as he turned to face me…a far away look upon his face. "You don't know the story of how a once healthy and happy young boy…for no reason whatsoever took a turn for the worst. No one ever told you this story Kyle?" I could hear the anger and resentment in his voice and for some reason it scared me.

"Look…um…forget that I asked. I had no…" I stammered…getting ready to dart from the room like a bat out of hell….but his next words stopped me cold.

"I wasn't always sickly you know" He began…smiling slightly as he looked across the room at me. "I was once young and healthy just like you are now…but then things changed" I wanted to stop him because as a look of darkness passed across his face…I knew that I wasn't going to like what I was about to hear. "My father left my mother one day just out of the blue when I was younger. He didn't even have the decency to tell her face to face…instead he opted to leave a note on the kitchen table for her. He told her that he didn't love her anymore…that he had found someone else and that someone else was a man" Blind and cold fear began to creep into my bones as I fell heavily onto the bed behind me. "You could say that she lost her mind after that" he laughed slightly…followed by a severe coughing spell.

"Max…you don't have to tell me" I spoke up as he brought an inhaler to his mouth and pulled the misted spray into his lungs. "I shouldn't have asked…"

"No…it's ok Kyle. I'd like to tell you…to talk about it since no one every wants to listen to me anymore" He assured with such sadness dripping from his words that there was no way that I could not allow him that time to speak. "It was right after he left that I started to get sick. They didn't think much about it at first since it started out as just flu like symptoms…but then I just kept getting worse and worse and no one seemed to know why. I must have seen a hundred specialists…had a hundred different tests run on me daily and they were still no closer to figuring out what was happening to me. It was as if my body was just shutting down. I couldn't eat…could barely breath most times and all I can remember is that I wanted to die. I didn't know what was happening to my body…but it was painful and frightening and I had no idea why it was happening to me. My mother became almost obsessive with my care…never leaving me alone for more then a few minutes at a time and no one was ever allowed to be alone with me…except for you. I know that you hated coming to spend time with me Kyle…but you have no idea how much it meant to me to be with someone other then her"

"I didn't know Max" I tried to defend myself…but it only came out as a pathetic squeak.

"It's ok Kyle" He smiled up at me with what appeared to be a real smile and something inside me just broke. It was as if I was seeing Max for the first time and I could see just how scared and lonely he truly was. Tears welled within my eyes as he continued with his story of heartache and betrayal. "For some reason she allowed you to visit me. At first I thought that maybe she thought that it would do me some good…but I know now that the real reason is that people were starting to talk and it looked like she really cared enough about me to allow me at least one friend"

"She was doing something to you?" I questioned…a knot developing within my stomach that made me uneasy and ready to spew at any moment.

"Cleaning fluids in my food" he replied sadly…tears misting his eyes as he looked away from me for a moment in order to collect himself.

"Fucking Christ…" I blurted out once again before I had a chance to compose myself. "Why would she do that to her only son?"

"Yeah…" he chuckled…blowing out a breath of air as he ran his hand through his dark hair. "I never really got a real answer from her…but it basically came down to she was afraid that I was going to leave her like my father did and so in order to keep me dependant on her she came up with that idea"

I never wanted to run into my mother arms as much as I did at the very moment. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her for allowing me to become the independent man that I had become and for constantly taking the shit that I threw at her daily and I planned to do just that…but not before I got to spend some more time with Max. "So where is she now?" I heard myself asking and hating that I was…but dying of pure curiosity at the same time. "Your mother" I stammered on like an idiot because who else had we been talking about at the time.

"She died a little over a year ago" he said…once again turning his eyes away from me.

"Max…I'm so sorry" I blurted out once again like a jerk.

"Don't be…" he rushed out…sounding so bitter that it caused me to flinch back in surprise. "She was actually killed by her own cellmate in prison. Poetic justice if you ask me" I wanted to pull Max into my arms at the very moment and allow him to expel the pain and heartache that was so obviously sweltering deep within his soul…but I held back. I didn't know what was about to happen between Max and myself…but fear of the unknown began to swell within me as I turned the conversation to at least one thing that we had in common.

"So…Maximum Thunder from Down Under huh? What say we play a round or two" I piped up…jumping up off of the bed as I made my way back to the seat next to him. I didn't give him a chance to speak as I jerked the joystick out of his hand…my mouth falling open as I gazed up at the screen. "What? I've never seen this version before. What is it?"

"I already told you its version six…or a prototype actually. I just got it in today and was testing it out when you and your mother came over"

"How in the hell do you have the prototype for version six when version five just came out a few months ago" I asked…still gaping at the screen of one of my favorite video games.

"What do you think pays for this house and all my hospital bills?" He chuckled with such a huge smile upon his face that for a moment I forgot that his skin was almost the color of paper and took in the true beauty of Max Evans.

"Huh??" Was my retarded retort.

"I made it" He laughed again…gracing me with another smile and I decided right then and there that I was going to make sure that he smiled like that over and over again. "I created it…all of them actually" His words were proud and boastful and if not for the look of truth that was plastered across his face I would have called him a liar on the spot. "When you don't have anything else but a computer as a friend you learn to make your own fun" The sadness was back within his voice as I shock my head as if to clear off my shock…because there was no doubt that Max was lonely and didn't need anymore pity then he already laid upon himself.

"Well prepare to meet your match buddy" I laughed…nudging his arm with my arm as I once again clutched the joystick within my hand. "You may have created the game…but I am the master and you are so going down" I knew that I was gong to get my ass beat by the man who created the game…but I didn't care because that same smile was back and it was more beautiful then ever. As expected Max creamed my ass…but I didn't care because despite my earlier reservations there was something that I liked about Max and the friendship that formed that night. Hours passed before Max's Aunt appeared in the doorway of his room alerting us of the late hour. I hated leaving him because I knew what he was thinking without him even saying a word. "I'll see you tomorrow Max" I said…clamping him on the back as I made my way towards the door. The look upon his face alerted me that my assessment was true as he beamed up at his Aunt and then me as I left them.

As promised I visited Max the next day and every day after that for weeks. I really got to know him and found that he was actually a very interesting guy. We seemed to have a lot of the same likes and even some of the same dislikes. We had the same taste in music and to my great joy he loved sports in general just like I did. Many a day and night were spent in front of the tube watching game after game after game. I enjoyed spending time with Max…but eventually a snag occurred and that snag was my other friends. They wanted to know where I went everyday and why it was that I wasn't spending as much time with them as I had been prior to meeting Max. They had ever reason to be upset with me since I had literally abandoned them six weeks before we all left for college and I had to admit that despite the fact that I enjoyed Max's company…I missed my old friends even more.

I wasn't sure how to broach the subject with Max since I didn't want him to think that I was abandoning him. I was afraid that he was going to get upset and think that I was ditching him and despite the fact that he tried to keep his feelings under control I was exactly right. I explained to him…rater badly I might add that I needed to spend some time with my friends and that I would try and come and see him later that day. I didn't know why I was so nervous and bumbly…but by the time I was done Max looked as if he were going to cry. "I didn't mean to take you away from your friends" he spoke sadly as we sat in his room that particular day. "You don't have to come and see me anymore. I will understand"

"Jesus Max…" I cried out a bit frustrated that I was hurting him and not meaning to. "You act as if I want to end our friendship…but I don't. I'm just saying that I need to spend some time with my other friends as well. Hey…" I smiled…getting up out of the chair I was sitting on as I began to pace the room. "Why don't I invite them over here tomorrow. We can hang out in your backyard…maybe even have a pool party. You can meet them and they can meet you. What do you say…it's perfect" I rushed on…not giving Max a chance to answer or notice that his already pale face was growing paler.

"I don't think that is a good idea" He replied so softly that I really had to strain to hear him.

"Why?" I asked…rushing over to his side from where he sat at his computer desk. "Max…you ok? You don't look so good?" I was really concerned when he didn't reply…but only walked past me towards the bed before lying down across it. "Max?" I hadn't seen this side of Max before…the silent…almost comatose Max that seemed to be hyperventilating as he continued to lie before me. "Shit…let me get your Aunt" I called out in near panic as I started to rush towards the door…only to stop short at his next words.

"They won't like me" The words breezed past my ear…sending cold shockwaves throughout my body…because I knew right then and there that Max was having a panic attack. "They won't like me and then you won't want to be my friend anymore and…"

"What the fuck are you going on about?" I asked angrily…kicking the frame of his bed in frustration because truth be told I had no idea how to handle this situation. "Jesus Max…you have to come out of your shell sometimes and meeting my friends is the perfect way to do it. You can't just live in this house…hiding from the world forever. You haven't even met them and you are judging them. I hang out with a pretty cool group of kids…who given the chance will grow to love you just as much as I do" the words caught in my throat as both of our eyes nearly bulged out of our heads. I couldn't believe that I had said what I had said…but what I couldn't believe more was that those very words were actually true. "Um…they will like you as much as I do" I rephrased myself shoving my hands into the pocket of my jeans as I waited for him to reply.

"I don't know how to swim" I heard him say timidly as he looked up at me with playful eyes.

"Well Jesus…why didn't you say so. You just happen to be friends with West Roswell High's number one varsity swimmer. Hell…if I can't teach you how to swim then no one can" I laughed out right…happy to have the tension of the room lifted and disappeared as I pulled him off of the bed and nudged him towards his dresser. "Go on now…find yourself a pair of trunks if you have them. I'm just going to run home and get my own. Be back in a flash" I didn't give him a chance to respond as I bolted out the door…happy to know that maybe I would be able to break Max from the cocoon that he had been living in for all of his life. Just as I expected…I found Max sitting on his bed unmoving with a look of pure fright across his face. "Hey…what's up?" I asked as I breezed into the room…smart enough to have brought an extra pair of swim trunks just in case.

"I don't have any swim trunks" he stammered…with the same look upon his face.

"No worries…I came prepared. You seem a bit narrower in the waist…but that's what a drawstrings for" I burst out…ignoring the looks that he as giving me as I tugged him off of the bed and throw the trunks at his chest. "Go change…I'll meet you outside" I knew that it was going to take some time for Max to build up the courage to put on the trunks and meet me outside…so while I had the time I sat down and had a talk with his Aunt who was more then pleased to learn that I was trying to get Max out of the house. It felt like it took forever…but eventually I watched as he emerged from the house with the trunks I had given him on and a towel covering his chest. I had to laugh at the blush that raced across his face as he stood before me like a schoolgirl trying to protect her virginity. "Good god man…we have so got to get you a tan" I laughed…grabbing the towel from him as I dropped it on a nearby lounge chair and began to walk towards the pool. "You coming" I called out over my shoulder as I turned and saw him still just standing there.

"I told you that I couldn't swim" his voice quivered…his eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets as he stared at the pool as if it was his greatest enemy.

"Jesus Max…the pool won't kill you" I chuckled…walking back over towards him as I took his hand and nearly dragged him forward. "There is a shallow end and I promise not to try and drown you as long as you trust me. You do trust me?" I asked…half joking half serious.

"With my life" he spoke quickly and softly…another blush racing across his face. "Uh…I…"

"Come on Max…" I laughed…pretending not to notice as together we made our way slowly into the pool. For the next hour we stayed in the shallow end…just standing around as we joked and goofed off. I didn't want to push Max too much and in all honesty it was nice to just hang out and act like kids our age are supposed to. After that I was starting to prune up like an old man as I tried to climb out of the pool…but Max's hand on my shoulder stopped me. Raising my eyebrow I asked the question that I couldn't verbally as another blush rushed across his cheeks.

"Teach me to swim now?" he asked in a whisper.

I really wanted to get out…but how could I deny Max anything when he looked so darn adorable. So I did…I attempted to teach him to how swim every so slowly. It was apparent that Max had huge trust issues…but eventually he learned to trust me but he made sure that I held onto him the entire time. It wasn't as if he was a slow learner…far from it…but his fear seemed to always get the better of him as well as his frustration. Eventually I convinced him to allow me to lead him into the deeper end of the pond and that's when things really started to happen. He was fine at the beginning as he lay stiff as a board…floating atop the water as I waded right next to him…my hands floating protectively just under his backside. However…everything went wrong as his fear once again invaded him at the realization that he could no longer touch the bottom of the pool with his feet. He fell into a complete panic as he began to lunge his arms and his legs frantically…latching onto me so painfully as I tried to calm him that he sent me right to the bottom of the pool with his actions. I thought that I was going to drown as I attempted to push myself to the surface again…only to have his long frame push me down as he tried to grab onto me. My lungs were burning and screaming from lack of air and I felt as if my head were about to explode as I summoned all my strength…literally throwing Max away from me as I came crashing towards the surface. For a brief moment I just sat there at the side of the pool as I pulled large quantities of air into my abused lungs…but in an instant I gave up that pleasure as I noticed the top of Max's head going under the water. I don't know how I did it…my body just went into overdrive I guess…but I was able to get the two of us out of the water and off to the side of the pool.

"OMG…what happened?" I heard Max's Aunt scream out towards us as we both lay across the large concrete steps of the pool…gasping for breath as we lay half in and half out of the water. "I need to call 911" her frantic wails continued…only to stop as Max finally broke his silence and spoke up.

"No…I'm fine" he gulped…his face paler then usual as he gasped to catch his breath. "Shit Kyle…are you ok? Did I hurt you?" He spoke frantically…turning to face me as he ran his hands up and down my shoulder and chest. "I'm so sorry…so sorry" he went on…tears forming in his eyes as I continued to lie there feeling almost near death.

"No…I'm fine" I lied…forcing myself to sit up as I helped him do the same. "What about you…you ok?"

"Yeah…fine" was his winded reply as he turned away from me…trying to pull himself into a standing position but falling back into the shallow water with a splash. I could read the exhaustion on his face as he just lay there not looking well at all…those same tears beginning to pool in the corner of his eyes.

"Let me help you" I spoke in mock bravery because in truth the pallor and exhaustion was scaring the living shit out of me. No words were spoken as I lifted him out of the water…placing his arm around my neck as I wrapped my arm tightly around his waist. He Aunt was at his side instantly doing the same as we literally dragged his almost comatose body into his bedroom. She immediately sprung into action once we entered the room…laying him across the bed as she wrapped him tightly under the covers. Moving out of her way I watched as she pulled what appeared to be an oxygen tank from out of the corner…placing a mask over his mouth before asking me not so kindly to leave. I didn't want to leave because fear and guilt wouldn't allow me too…but she beat out fear and guilt as he jerked me by the arm until I was standing face to face with the opposite side of the front door.

I needed a drink and I needed it badly as I rushed home…ignoring my mother as I raced through the kitchen and into my room. I was in the shower a moment later as I tried to think of anything else but the images of Max nearly drowning and him lying on that bed looking almost deathly. Yeah…I tried but they just continued to pound into my head until I once again felt as if it were going to explode. As I dressed myself the need for alcohol and sex became great and I knew just where I could get both as I raced out of my house once again ignoring my mother. "Kyle…what the hell are you doing here?" I heard the voice of my salvation question me as I made my way into his house unannounced. I didn't give him a chance to speak another word as I walked up to him…grabbed him by the back of the head and kissed the shit out of him. He tried to fight me…but as usual when it came to Sean he was no match for me.

"Beer…bedroom now" I panted crazily as I pushed him towards the kitchen…turning away from him as I shed my clothes…leaving a trail to the bedroom. He entered the room a few minutes later with a six-pack of beer in his hands and not a stitch of clothing on. Handing me the pack…I finished one in record time before opening another and downing the contents in almost one huge swallow. He said not a word as he lay down beside me…lying on his back as he waited for me to pounce and that's exactly what I did. I fucked Sean long and hard that night and by the time I was done I was severely buzzed with a never ending hard on to boot. He never uttered a word…or put up a defense as I assaulted his body in so many ways that I lost count. All I know is that when I woke up the next morning with him sleeping beside me there wasn't a patch of skin on his body that wasn't marred…marked and bruised by the likes of me. The guilt that I had been trying to ignore once again consumed me…but that time it was bigger and meaner at what I had done to a poor and defenseless Sean. As silently as I could I slipped out of bed and made my way into the bathroom…trying to wash away all the guilt…pain and fear that was slowly beginning to consume me away…failing miserably just as I had expected. I couldn't get the images of Max out of my head and the nagging fear that he was either dead or near death due to my incessant urgings.

"Where did you get those?" I heard Sean question me as he entered the walk in shower…wrapping his arms around my waist as he laid his head upon my shoulder.

"Swimming…or trying to teach someone to swim" was my reply as I hung my head in shame and allowed him to continue to hold me. I knew that I wasn't being fair to Sean…knew that the man had been in love with me from the first moment he had laid eyes on me…but that hadn't stopped me. I started using him the very night that he blew into town and Maria introduced him as her long lost cousin. It was apparent there was no love lost between the two and I used that to my advantage as well. Sean was always my back up plan…the man that I ran to when life became too much and I needed some comfort and relief. I knew that it wasn't fair to him and up until the very moment it had never really bothered me…but as I turned within those same arms and looked up at eyes so full of love…the guilt intensified until I felt that it would squash me into nothing.

"Man…must have been one hell of a lesson" he chuckled…not realizing how much his words affected me until I pushed him away.

"You shut your stinking fucking mouth" I cried out in full anger…exiting the shower in a hurry as I dried myself off and left without any explanation of my actions. My mind was a muffled mess as I drove down the busy streets of Roswell…everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours swirling like mad around me. Pulling into my driveway I stared through the rear view mirror at Max's house in hopes of catching a glimpse of Max or his Aunt to let me know that everything was ok. I was dying to go over there…drying to know how Max was and if he would ever want to see me again…but outright fear and stupidity prevented me from doing these things. Closing my eyes for a brief second I gathered my breath before exiting the car and entering my own home as I was to face the music of my mother.

"Where the hell have you been young man?" She started in on me the moment that I entered the house and didn't stop her line of questioned screams until I completely fell apart at her feet. "Kyle…baby…what's wrong?" her angered questions turned to fear as she knelt down before me and cradled me within her arms. I couldn't speak…oh how I wanted to…but the lump of cold fear prohibited it as I clung to her as if for dear life. "Does this have anything to do with Max calling here about twenty times this morning?" I about choked on my own saliva as I pushed her away in order to stare into her own fear filled eyes. "Did you two have a fight or something…because he's been looking for you since about six this morning"

"He's…he's ok?" I rasped…still trying to comprehend that he was ok and that he had actually called to speak to me after what had happened.

"Well aside from being afraid that you would never speak to him again…I think that he's ok. What happened between you two yesterday?" Her words echoed behind me as I pushed away from her and literally sprinted out the door and across the street towards Max's house. I didn't know what I was going to say when Max's Aunt answered the door after she had thrown me out the previous night…and I found that I didn't' have to worry about that as Max opened the door looking almost as good as before.

"Kyle…" he rushed out…a look of complete fear frozen upon his face.

"Max…" was my own rushed reply as I lunged forward and pulled him into my arms. "Oh Jesus Max…I thought I had killed you. You…so pale. Lying there…no moving" I stammered like an idiot…unable to speak in complete and coherent sentences and not caring at the moment. "I…so sorry…so so sorry"

"Sorry for what?" he asked astonished as he wrapped his arms around my neck and held on for what felt like dear life. "I should be the one who is apologizing to you"

"What?" I asked in my own astonishment…breaking away from him in an attempt to clear my head. "I almost killed you yesterday. In fact I thought you were when we got you on the bed. You were so pale and barely breathing and…"

"That…that was nothing" Max laughed nervously…a smile upon his face. "I've had worse attacks then that. I was really ok…it was just a panic attack. I get them from time to time and well I guess that I just freaked out. Shit…" he cried out…turning his head as he ran his hand through his dark hair. "I almost drowned you. I knew that I was doing it…but I couldn't stop myself and…"

"Let's just agree to keep out of the water and we will both be fine" I laughed myself…once again pulling him into my arms because despite his words I was still unnerved about what had happened. I had grown quite fond of Max in those short few weeks that I have gotten to know him again. Hell…truth be told I was more then fond of him. I was feeling things for him that I had never felt for any other man before. I didn't know what it was…and didn't want to because I knew that once I had that nothing was every going to be the same for us again.

"But what about your friends…they're supposed to be coming over today" I could hear the fear in his voice as he pulled away from me and walked into the living room.

"We can cancel it…have them come over another day" I spoke quickly…walking after him and hating the fact that I no longer held him within my arms. "Today can be just about us. We can hang out in your room and play video games…or watch some TV"

"But that's not what you really want is it?" he asked already knowing the answer as he nodded at me once I looked up at him. "Well why don't you go and hang out with them and then if you have time you can come and hang out with me later. Bye Kyle…" I could hear the sadness and the loneliness in his voice and he smiled over at me before taking his leave.

"Or…" I said grabbing him by the back of the shirt as I hindered his attempt. "We could keep everything as planned…just making sure that we keep you as far away from the pool as possible" I laughed outright when I forced him to turn around and spotted what could only be called an excited grin. "You really want to meet them don't you?" I questioned getting giddy myself at the prospect of everyone that I loved and cared for getting together. Don't get me wrong though because I was nervous that maybe they might not all get along…but for Max and my friends I was willing to give it a try.

"I didn't at first" he blushed…looking away from me before speaking again. "But last night I was thinking that you were right…"

"Aren't I always" I laughed…putting my hands up in surrender at the playful dirty look he shot me.

"I need to come out of my shell sometimes and become a prominent member of society. I've been hiding from the world and everything on it for so long that it's just become second nature. But then I met you again and…" another blush raced across his face as he continued. "Well everything's changed. I want to meet them…I just hope that they like me" I could tell that he was honestly afraid and as much as I wanted to assure him that same nagging doubt from before began to haunt me once again.

"Dude…would you calm down already…you look like you are about to explode" I heard Michael…my best friend in the entire world laugh at me as I watched Max like a hawk from a distance. "What the hell is your problem anyway?" The fact was that I didn't know what my problem was…but I was bothered by it just the same. Liz…Maria and Michael had come over to Max's house as expected. Introductions were given as an awkward silence overtook us immediately…but it didn't last long as Liz…my one time girl friend and also best friend took over the conversation. She…really put the effort forward to get to know Max…because I knew without even having to say a word to her that she knew how much he meant to me. Max was a jumbled set of nerves as Maria got in on the action bouncing from one subject to the other…that was until Liz settled her down with just one look. I could see that Max was a bit overwhelmed as I took a step towards them…only to go nowhere at Michael's hand upon my arm. "Kyle…dude…I know that you care about the guy…but you yourself said that he has to get over his fears and if anyone can pull him out of his shell then it's Liz and Maria"

"I know…" I nodded in defeat as I sat upon a nearby lounge chair…never removing my line of sight from the trio. "It's just that I worry about him. Except for me he's never been around kids our age and I am just afraid that this will cause more harm then good"

"Who would have thought it" Michael chuckled slightly…sipping at the lemonade that Max's aunt had provided for us.

"Thought what?" I asked…having no idea what he was talking about as I sipped from my own glass.

"Who would have thought that "Fuck em and leave em Valenti would fall in love" He replied with a sickeningly sweet look upon his face.

"What the fuck are you talking about…I don't love him. Hell…I barely even know him" I stammered and sputtered shooting death looks at Michael as he continued to laugh at me.

"Kyle…I have known you your entire life and I have never seen you look at any guy the way that you look at Max. It's like your eyes light up when you look at him…talk to him and his do the same"

"Well your way off there buddy because he's not even gay" I cut him off before be could go on any further. However…I never denied that his words were true because as I continued to swirl them around my head I found that they were in fact one hundred percent true. I had fallen for Max and in a way that I could no longer deny or wanted to. The only problem was that as far as I knew Max was straight and by the way that he was smiling brightly at Liz as they talked on the other end of the backyard…I knew that my fears were true. There was no denying that Liz was intrigued herself as she beamed and blushed at Max as they continued to get to know each other. I felt jealously for the first time in my entire life at that very moment and as it burned and churned within my stomach my anger began to boil as well. "Besides who needs love when I have Sean to fuck whenever I feel the urge" I knew that I sounded hateful and mean…and I really didn't mean to sound that way…but it was as if I couldn't help myself.

"Yes…speaking of that…" he said in a hushed voice as he came and sat down on the end of my lounger. "Look Kyle…" he began as I rolled my eyes for I knew that what he was about to say I was not going to like. "I have never had a problem with you being gay. I mean it's who you are…but I do have a problem with lying to my girlfriend about the shit that you do to her cousin. Wait…" he defended…putting his hands up as I attempted to remind him of a thing or two. "I know that I am not a real fan of the guy…in fact I hate him…but once Maria finds out that he is gay and that he has been your fuck slave for the last year…well I don't even want to know how she will react to that. What I am saying is…despite the fact that I hate Sean…what you are doing to him is just wrong. He thinks that you love him…that the two of you are dating and you and I both know that this is not the case. Look man…all I am saying is let the guy down and try to do it as gently as possible…he deserves at least that much"

He was right…and I knew that he was right…but it didn't make his words any easier to hear. "Yeah…you're right" I responded half heartedly as I once again looked over at Max and found him and Liz laughing like mad at something Maria had said. Once again jealously consumed me and all I kept thinking was I couldn't wait for all of them to get the hell out of there so I could spend some alone time with Max.

"Well you seemed to have enjoyed yourself" I sulked with a full fledge pout upon my face as hours later he and I sat in the living room watching some random sports channel.

"I've never had more fun in my entire life" he rushed out with one of those beautiful smiles that I loved so much upon his face. "Your friends are amazing…especially Liz" he gushed on. "She has to be the sweetest most beautiful person I have ever met and…" I drowned out the rest of his words as I continued to pout in my corner of the couch…staring unseeing at the TV screen.

"I'm gay…" I blurted out a few minutes later in full frustration as he continued to rave about my friends. I didn't know why I said it…well maybe I did since Michael's earlier words keep replying in my head. I guess I wanted to see what kind of reaction I would receive as I turned to face him. "Did you hear me Max…I'm gay" I repeated as he looked at me speechless. I could feel my heart sink into the pits of my stomach as we stared at each other eye to eye…neither moving a muscle nor uttering a sound. "I just thought you should know" I finally found my voice as I jerked myself off of the couch.

"So you're gay…so what" he called out after me as I began to make my way down the hallway. "Do you really think that I care if you are gay or not?" his words elated me and yet at the same time caused my stomach to lurch as I turned to face him.

"I…I…have to…" I wanted to tell him everything…wanted to tell him that I was in love with him and that I hoped that he returned my feelings as well…but I couldn't. Instead I did as I usually did in situations that made me uncomfortable and uneasy…I fled the scene. "I have to go" I blurted out…instead of the words that I longed to hear. I was out the door and half way across the street before I turned to look at Max as he stood in the doorway of his home looking sad and somewhat confused.

I didn't go to Max's the next day…refused to take any of his phone calls as I hide within the confines of my room from him and the entire world. I didn't know what was wrong with me…but what I did know was that I was in love with someone for the first time and that I hated it with a fucking passion. I had never wanted to fall in love…never wanted to know what it was like to think about someone every waking moment…but that wasn't the case. I hated to admit it but when I thought of Max I got butterflies in my stomach and my breath caught within my throat. It was then that my thoughts turned to Sean and how he must feel those same things for me…which sent my quilt skyrocketing. I called Sean that very night and ended things with him once and for all. I knew that it was tacky to do it over the phone…but the coward in me just couldn't be there to watch how he reacted to it.

The following day I planned to do pretty much the same as before as I wallowed in my self-pity and regrets in my room…but a knock at my door halted all progress…at least for the moment as far as I was concerned. "Hey…Kyle" I heard Max speak in a fearful whisper as I continued to stand in the doorway completely dumb founded. "Did I do something to upset you?" were his next words as I finally got my wits about me and turned back into my bedroom.

"What are you doing here Max?" I ignored his question as I threw one of my own at him.

"I don't know what I did…but I'm sorry" I heard him say…his breath hitching as I turned back to face him and found him almost crying. "Please don't stop being my friend Kyle" I could read the stone cold fear of his words as he continued to stand there looking lost and all alone.

As was becoming my custom…guilt poured through me as I made my way over towards him…taking his hand as I led him to the bed. "Does your aunt even know that you are here?" I asked…getting my answer in the form of a blush and a small grin through his tears. "Let me call her and tell her where you are and then we can talk…ok" With a received nod from him I made my call…assuring his aunt that I would take care of him and get him home at a decent hour. "She's not happy with you for leaving like that…but says that as long as she knows you are with me that she knows you will be fine" I boasted with a laugh…puffing my chest out before losing it altogether.

"Kyle…" he said after the laughter between the two of us died down. "What happened the other day? Did I do something to make you mad?" he repeated his earlier questions as I sat on the bed beside him feeling guilt and shame for hurting Max once again.

"I'm not mad at you Max" I replied…crossing my arms over my chest since I had no idea what to do with them. "I guess that I was just embarrassed after telling you that I was gay" I spoke in half-truths…hiding the real reason deep within my gut. "I had wanted to tell you for so long…but I was afraid that you wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore"

"I don't care that you're gay" He spoke up…sharing with me that beautiful smile that I had learned to crave so much. "All I care is that you are my friend" I could see the truth in his words and a glint in his eyes before he pounced on top of me…pinning me to the bed as he began to tickle me unmercifully.

"Oh you are so dead" I cried out…turning the tables as I flipped him over and began to tickle him. His cries were loud and playful and within a matter of minutes we were both exhausted and out of breath. His face was so close to mine as I lay still above him…holding myself upwards as not to crush him with the bulk of my weight. I could feel the heated warmth of his breath as it passed over lips that I could not stop staring at. I wanted to kiss Max in that very moment in a way that I had never wanted to kiss another man before. Our eyes were locked as we just continued to lie there staring…unmoving for only a moment before I lost my mind and began to close the distance between us. Closer and closer I moved until it was only mere inches separating us. We were going to kiss…that's all I kept thinking as I unconsciously liked my lips before leaning in a bit more…only to have Max slide out from under me before I could complete my task. Frustration and embarrassment rolled into one as I fell onto my back…covering my face with my arm as I tried to control the disappointment within me.

"I better go home" I heard him say quietly as he stood before the bed…shuffling his feet as he stared at the floor. I didn't want Max to go…but thought that it might be a better idea for him to leave before I completely lost control of myself.

"Ok…I'll walk you over" I said…rolling off the bed as I went in search of my shoes.

"No…it's ok. You don't have to" I heard him reply as he made haste for the door. "It's only across the street…I can make it. Bye Kyle…see you tomorrow" He asked in question form as he stood in the frame of it waiting for my answer.

"Bye Max…see you tomorrow" I affirmed with a smile…receiving one of my own from him as he disappeared down the hallway. After that moment things pretty much went back to the same old routine between Max and myself. I would spend the day and most of the evening with Max…mixing in my group of friends some times. After that strange night where Max and I almost kissed I tried my damnest not to think about what could have happened and how much I truly had wanted to kiss him. Instead of focused on anything else that would keep my mind busy…which most of the time didn't help. However…a week later I ran into an old friend and once again my life and everything around it changed.

It happened one night at our local drug store. I had left Max's earlier that evening and as I was driving home I realized just how much I was starving. With my mom out of town and no real cooking skills I turned into the drug store parking lot intent of purchasing large quantities of junk food to consume at my leisure. As I was perusing the chip aisle…I didn't notice the man standing beside me until I reached down to grab a bag of nacho chips and grabbed a hand instead. "Shit" I cried out as I jerked my hand back…slamming it into the handcart that he was holding…sending to crashing to the floor. "Jeez…sorry man" I continued with my bumbling as I reached down and picked up the scattered items…only making it worse in my haste.

"Valenti?" I heard the man speak my name as I stood up and came face to face with a pure Adonis.

"Ramirez?" I returned…clutching the things I had picked up off the floor to my chest. "Holy shit man it is you" I laughed like an idiot as he grinned down at me. "So…um…hey…what are you doing back in town" I asked…throwing the crap I had in my hand back into the basket as it lay on the floor…trying like hell to compose myself. It had been years since I had seen Jesse Ramirez…and as I checked him out from head to tail I could see that many things had changed since the last time I had seen him. Jesse was a few years older then I was. He was a senior and the king of WRH when I was just a somewhat geeky freshman trying to earn a place among the masses gawking at his feet. I had always been a team player…but once I entered high school and got to know the great hometown hero…I knew exactly whom I wanted to be like…so I modeled my entire social structure around him and his ways.

"Sisters wedding" he replied…still not unlocking the hold that he held upon me. I knew at the very moment that Jesse and I held something else in common…aside from our love of sports.

"That's great…" I replied dumbly…wanting to kick myself for acting like a total retard.

"Yeah…I guess" he laughed. "If you call three weddings in four years great"

"Yeah…" I laughed…again sounding like a dunce.

"So…it seems that we are both scrounging for something to fill our bellies…how about you and I get out of here and find someplace to get reacquainted" He said…his smile growing even wider before winking at me.

"Sounds good" I chimed in…picking up the signals that were being tossed casually loud and clear. We walked out of the drug store and ended up in a hotel on the outskirts of town not long after. We fucked like bunnies that night and by the time we were done I was too physically exhausted to move…much less think about eating…which we had yet to do. So we just lay there and talked and not once did I think about Max. About an hour later I was starting to feel rejuvenated as another round of foreplay began once again…only to come to a screeching halt at the sound of my cell phone.

"Leave it…" Jesse growled in my ear as he pinned me under his bulk…proving to me he was truly up for another round as he began to kiss me.

"K…" was all I could manage as I gave into the kiss…wrapping my legs around his legs as I pulled him even closer. "Fuck…" I cried out in frustration a few seconds later when the phone continued to ring incisively. "Just give me a second" I grumbled…kissing him quickly as I slid off the bed to retrieve my discarded pants. "What?" I screamed into the phone…my aggravation growing when I heard nothing at the end of the line…at first.

"Kyle…" Max's voice broke through softly…almost sounding near tears.

"Max…what is it? What's wrong?" I nearly screamed into the phone in a full out panic…because I knew that something was wrong. "Max…talk to me" My cries continued…but I didn't know if he heard me or not as Jesse grabbed my phone out of my hand.

"Kyle can't talk right now…he's busy" He laughed into the phone before cutting the connection.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" I cried out in blind shock as I watched him toss the now dead phone onto the dresser.

"For this…" He tried to tease me as he slinked his body up against my own…but I was having none of it as I pushed him away. "That could have been important. Max is really sick and he never calls me on my cell unless he really needs me" I shouted as I raced for my phone…dialing Max's number in a panic…only to have it grow worse when he nor his aunt answered. "Fuck…something's wrong" I cried out in a full panic as I scrambled for my clothes…ignoring the ranting and upset being spouted by Jesse. I literally raced out of the hotel half dressed in a frantic attempt to get to my car. I was sure that something was wrong with Max because when I had left him he was sound comfortably asleep.

"Shit…" I cried out in frustration when I tried to call his house once again and no one answered. Tossing my phone onto the seat beside me I sped through the streets of Roswell…praying to Buddha that Max was ok. "Hello…hello…" I cried into the phone a moment later when it rang unexpectedly. "Hello…Max is that you?" my fearful cries continued as I swerved to avoid hitting a car that was coming to a stop ahead of me. "Shit…Hello" I screamed into the phone…almost dropping it as I raced past the honking car.

"Kyle…It's Max's aunt" I heard her speak tearfully…sending my heart plummeting into my stomach. "Max's in the hospital. I found him on the floor in his room unconscious clutching the phone. I don't' know what happened…he was asleep one minute and then when I went to check on him that's were I found him. Can you meet me here? I hate to ask but…"

"I'm on my way don't worry" I jumped into action mode as I spun the car around and pressed the accelerator to the floor in order to get to Max and his aunt. I got to the hospital in record time…in once piece and with a speeding ticked to boot. I didn't give a shit about the ticket as it lay in the drivers seat because all the mattered was getting to Max and fast. I found his aunt waiting for me a few minutes later in the main lobby…pure relief radiating off her face as he ran into my arms. "Hey…it's ok. I'm here" I soothed…dying to ask about Max…but able to see that she needed some comforting as well.

"I should be used to this by now…but each time that it happens it just takes its toll on me" she cried into the fabric covering my shoulder as I held onto her. "He's ok though…thank god" she sniffled…pulling back as he looked up into my eyes. "He asking for you already" she smiled sadly…placing her hand upon my cheek. "You've come to mean a lot to him…to both of us Kyle. I just want you to know that. I am so happy that he has you in his life because before you all he had was me…and sometimes that just isn't enough"

"Hey…where is this coming from?" I asked…leading her towards some chairs in the lobby as I assisted her in sitting down. "Max loves you. You are the most important person in his life. Without you in his life who knows what might have happened to him. You are the one that took care of him when he needed you most. You gave up everything to take care of him…and that means more to him then you can ever know"

"I just feel that sometimes I have failed him. That maybe I should have done things differently…that I took away from his life in some way"

"Did you know that he thinks the same thing about you?" I asked truthfully as I cradled her hands within my own. "He has told me that he thinks that he's become this huge burden in your life. He thinks that taking care of him somehow didn't allow you to live the life that you wanted to lead. He feels that you gave up everything for him and he has no idea how to repay you for that" I knew that I probably should have been telling her Max's deep dark secrets…but it was apparent that they loved each other very much and despite that was afraid to say just how much with simple words.

"OMG…" she cried out…tears coursing down her face. "I had no idea that he felt that way. I have never felt as if I were giving up my life for him…if anything he gave me a purpose to continue to live. After I lost my husband in a car accident I was devastated beyond belief. I had basically given up hope of ever finding happiness again…but then I got a call from the Roswell Police station one day and my life changed forever. I was horrified when they told me what my sister had been doing to Max…even more horrified the first time I saw him laying in that hospital bed near death. They didn't think that he was going to make it…but I gathered all my strength together and gave him a reason to live. He gave me a reason to enjoy the world again…despite all his illnesses. I would give up anything for that kid…he has to know that"

"He does…but maybe it will be nice for you to tell him" I urged…standing up and taking her with me as I nudged her towards the nurses station. "Now why don't you go tell him and then when you are done I will go and visit for a bit" She didn't say a word…just nodded in response…kissing me upon the cheek before leaving me alone in the waiting room. Sitting back upon the ugly plastic chairs…I allowed the breath that I had been holding to release as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on in my life. I still had no clue as to what happened to Max…or why he was in the hospital…but at least I knew that he was ok for the moment and that was ok with me.

Awhile later I was sitting beside Max's bed as he slept peacefully…or so I thought. "Is he your new boyfriend?" I heard his voice and for a moment I thought that I was hearing things as I look upon Max lying in his hospital bed apparently still sleeping. "The guy on the phone tonight…is he your new boyfriend?" he asked again…his tearful eyes sliding open as they settled upon my own eyes.

"Jesse…what…no" I stammered…turning my head for a moment as I tried to figure out what the hurt expression was that was plastered across his face. "So…how are you feelings?" I tried to change my tactics as I turned the conversation back around towards him. "What the hell happened to you tonight. I was really scared when I got the call from your aunt" I went on bumbling…standing up from the chair as I began to fidget with a stray string fringing off of his blanket.

"You don't have to lie to me you know…I can take it" I heard him speak strongly…causing me to once again look upon his face which was now twisted up in hurt anger. "Is he your boyfriend…or did you two just hook up and fuck?" he spat out…tears trickling down his face.

"Max…I…I don't understand what this has to do with anything" I stumbled over my words in pure confusion because if I hadn't known any better I could have sworn that Max was out right jealous. "None of that matters…all that matters is that you are ok. You are ok aren't you?" my words sprang forth quickly and unevenly because I was tired of talking about what had or hadn't happened between Jesse and I and more concerned as to why in the hell Max was laying in a hospital bed.

"Yeah…I'm fine" he replied nonchalantly as if brushing me off. "I'm tired…I'll talk to you tomorrow after they release me"

"So your going home tomorrow then…it's nothing serious?" my sentences ran together but truth be told I was exhausted and on edge at the same time and it was amazing I could even string a sentence together.

"Yeah…we can talk tomorrow " he spoke softly…turning his head away from me. "Night Kyle"

"Night Max…" I felt as if I was being shut out and so I did as he asked and left him alone with whatever was going on inside of his mind. I knew what I wanted to be there…but deep inside I knew that Max being in love with me and jealous over Jesse was impossible. I just didn't know how off the mark I was until the next day where I once again found myself in Max's room.

"It's nothing…" Max cried out in frustration after having me hound him for almost an hour as to what had happened to land him in the hospital. "It happens from time to time. You know Kyle…I may look somewhat healthy…but I'm not. My mother made sure to fuck me up pretty badly and the fact of the matter is that I never know when something like that is going to happen. It just came on so suddenly and then when I tried to call you…you were out with your new boyfriend" I could hear the accusing tone in his voice and it only served to set me on edge as I sat in a chair across from him. "So when am I going to get to meet the new beau? Maybe you can invite him over here to meet your sickly friend and he can have pity on me as well"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked…my feathers ruffled at the tone that he was throwing my way.

"Nothing…" he cried out over his shoulder as he removed himself from the bed and made his way into the bathroom…slamming it loudly behind him. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with Max…but it was apparent that he was angry with me and the fact was that I had no reason as to why. Falling onto his bed in frustration…I slide my hand under the pile of pillows at my head…my hand coming in contact with something cold and slippery. I knew that it was a magazine of some sorts and I prepared myself to look upon tits and pussy because it was what all straight boys our age looked at. However…when I laid my eyes upon an eight inch cock I about choked on my own saliva. I knew that my eyes had to be deceiving me as I flipped through the porn mag finding plenty of hunky men with full range boners to match. I was confused and yet at the same time everything made all the sense in the world. I was giddy and yet afraid…strong and yet willful. I was a melting pot of emotions as Max came out of the bathroom his body rigid with shock as he caught me with his hidden treasure within my hands.

"Your gay" I blurted out before I even knew what I was saying. Dropping the magazine on the bed…I began to pace the room muttering things to myself as I tried to make sense of what I had just found as well as found out. "You're fucking gay and you never told me. Even when I admitted to you who I was you kept it to yourself. Why? Why would you keep something like this from me? I'm your best friend and you kept this from me" I knew that I sounded like a wounded house frau…but I didn't care because I felt wounded.

"What were you snooping?" he ground out…snatching the magazine from off of the bed…shoving it under the pillows rather quickly. "Jesus…we may be friends Kyle…but I don't have to share everything with you. You might be ok with fucking every gay man that you see…but I…but I…shit" he cried out in what sounded like defeat as fell upon the bed. "Just go home Kyle…please"

"You've never been with a man before" I stated matter of factly…understanding everything all at once. I knew right then and there that Max was in deed jealous…maybe not so much of Jesse and me…but of me being free enough to be with another man period. I was extremely open about my sexuality and wasn't afraid who knew it…where Max was the complete opposite of that. I felt bad for Max for not knowing the joys of being with a man…hell of even just kissing a man. I had forgotten what it was like to be so sexually frustrated that you felt as if you were going to explode. I knew what I had to do at the very minute as I strode over towards Max…taking the magazine out of his hand as I tossed it over my head. With quiet yet precise measures I straddled Max's hips…leaning over him as I gazed down into eyes full of so much wanted fear that it only set my goal for that night soaring.

"Kyle…what are you doing?" he whispered so softly…but I heard every word.

"I'm going to kiss you Max and then if you are ready we can go a little farther. I won't push you any farther then you are willing to go…so just say the word and I will stop" I said with a grin as I leaned in towards lips I had been dying to kiss for so long. I could feel his breath hitch in his throat as I moved closer…only to expel across my wettened lips as I continued on my quest. He didn't move a muscle as I whispered a kiss across lips that trembled below mine…only to swoop back in a second later with just a bit more determination. His eyes closed in the instant as he fell into the kiss that we were sharing…even giving as good as he got when my tongue entered his heated domain. We kissed with some light petting for well over an hour before exhaustion halted my efforts. I could tell that Max was tired as his eyes drifted open and shut for a few moments before he pushed me away.

"Sorry Kyle…" he muttered with a goofy smile…once again fighting to stay awake. "I'm just so exhausted after yesterday and then today"

"It's ok" I giggled as I shifted off of Max…cradling him within my arms as I leaned his head upon my chest. "Do you mind if I stay tonight?" I asked…hoping and praying that he would say yes because I really didn't want to leave his side. He didn't say a word…but as he snuggled deeper within my chest I knew that he felt exactly the same way.

I didn't get much sleep that night as I kept watch of the man whom had slowly wormed his way into my heart. I was as happy as happy could be that thing between Max and myself were changing into something more…but at the same time I was scared shitless. I was afraid of not only admitting the love that I felt for him…but that he would return that love just as powerfully. I was frightened beyond belief that just as quickly as he entered my life…he could exit it as well. Max was sickly…there was no denying that plain and simple fact. He would get sick on the turn of a dime and look like he was on the edge of death…only to bounce back some time later as if nothing had happened. I was terrified of losing my heart to Max…but I was even more terrified of losing Max period. The fact was that Max got sick at a moments notice and sometimes it was nothing more then a tummy ache…but others…like the last time were more severe.

"Morning…" I heard him whisper early that morning as I opened my eyes and found him gazing at me with a full blush across his face. "I thought it was all a dream…but your really here and you really stayed…it really happened" he ran on…blushing even more as I smiled down at him.

"I'm really here…and it really happened" I beamed inside and out as I leaned over and kissed him softly upon his lips. I attempted to pull back…but Max had other ideas as he wrapped a free arm around my neck and pulled me down on top of him. "Whoa…easy there tiger" I laughed…wiping at his lip that was coated with my saliva. "Where's the fire?" My laughter continued good naturedly before stealing a quick kiss from him for good measure.

"Kyle…I'm an eighteen year old gay man who only had his first kiss last night. You don't understand why I am all fired up?" He asked me with a glint in his eyes…but some truth behind those words as well. "I just don't want to waste anymore time. I've had my first taste of Kyle and now there is no going back" His eyes grew wide at his revelation and by the look I took it to mean that he hadn't meant to say it…which caused my heart to beat a bit faster and for me to love him a whole lot more.

I wanted to tease him a bit before admitting the way that I felt about him as well…but I held back. Max was scared…I could see it in hazel eyes that screamed out to me that this was so. "Well…I've had my first taste of Max and I don't want to stop either" I replied instead…words of truth if I ever had spoken any before. "But…" I put my hand up as he once again reached for me. "Max we're talking about your first time and I don't want to rush that. I want to take it slow and enjoy it because I've never wanted to take things slow with anyone else before. I really care about you Max…" I whispered…my own blush raging across my cheeks as I took a deep breath and attempted to gather my thoughts. "In fact I think that I…I think that I…" I stammered…trying to get the words out that just refused to come easily to me.

"I love you too…" He finished for me…causing my eyes to shoot open in shock as I lost myself in the beautiful smile that he graced me with.

"Yeah…" Was all I could muster.

"Just remember who said it first" he laughed…pressing a lingering kiss upon my lips before darting out from under me towards the bathroom. I was in blind shock as I fell to the bed and replayed what had just happened to me over and over in my head. It seemed as if everything was happening so fast and I was powerless to stop it…and the truth was that I didn't want to stop it.

I guess you can say that Max and I started dating immediately after that…but nothing really changed much between us. We still hung out most days and night…with frequent visits from our friends mixed in from time to time. They were ecstatic when we told them the news about our every growing relationship and even went on to praise Max for finally forcing me to settle down. I didn't care about their teasing because before Max there wasn't anyone that I was willing to give myself completely too…but Max however was different. I knew in my heart that he was the one for me…the one that was put on this planet to be mine alone and nothing…not even sickness was going to come between us. Everything was going great…but there was one thing that hung over us like a dead weight and that was the fact that Max was refusing to tell his aunt about us. It turned out that she didn't know about his sexuality or if she did she was keeping it to herself. I wanted to tell her…let her know how I felt about her nephew…but Max was insistent that we keep what was between us…between us. It made me angry…but it wasn't worth the fight or was it.

We had yet to make love to each other…but trust me when I say that there was more then just kissing going on between us when we were alone in his room. I knew Max's body from tip to stern and he knew mine as well. Many a nights had been spent just exploring each others bodies as we learned what one liked and disliked. I had the scent…the taste…the very look that was Maxwell Evans burnt into my soul and it was a feeling that even now I can't really explain. I guess the best and only word to use was that Max was my soul mate…which meant that whatever happened down the line…Max would always be the one that I loved unlike no other.

Yes life was wonderful and I was in love…but then as usual real life reared its ugly head and I had no idea who or if I could handle it. The summer was nearing a close and in a few scant weeks I was scheduled to ship off to Montana to begin my life as a college freshman. I was excited beyond belief at the idea of leaving the small town of Roswell behind me for it had been my dream for too many years before hand…but the idea of leaving Max had me terrified beyond anything I had ever felt before. I had mentioned it to Max a time for two in passing…but he would always tell me that we would talk about it when the time was right before pouncing upon me and kissing me senseless. I knew what he was doing…knew that he was avoiding the unavoidable…but I also knew that avoidance was not going to change a damn thing.

Another week passed and I had only one left until I was to jump in my car and leave Roswell and everyone that I knew and loved…including Max behind. I was so confused that I had no idea of what was going on half the time. Everyone noticed it…except for Max because through the years he had developed a great defense system. Avoidance for him was the answer to just about everything I quickly learned and as the time quickly loomed ahead of us…I decided to take another approach. I knew that I was going to upset many people…my mother at the top of that list…but I didn't care. I had made the decision not to leave Roswell…but to instead attend a community college so I could continue the wonderful relationship that I had with Max. I knew that I was giving up a lot…but Max had given up a lot to be where he was and I was willing to sacrifice a scholarship and a whole new life for him.

I was a coward…something that I had never really been before because I waited until the very last moment to tell everyone about my new set of plans. I waited until two days before I was scheduled to leave to break my mothers heart…stun my friends and please my lover. Nothing else mattered except for the fact that Max was happy with my decision…no matter how much hell everyone else put me through. I gave no real reasons as to why I had changed the course of my life from the moment I entered the ninth grade…just told them that I wasn't quite ready for the change that was to come and that there was always the following year. I know that they already knew of my reasons not for leaving…but taking a lesson from Max I just avoided the issue as long as I could…which wasn't that very long let me tell you.

It was that night after my announcement that Max and I made love for the very first time. I think that the reason that he was holding back so much was that he knew in the back on his mind that I would be leaving him…but with my announcement everything had changed. It was a night like nothing I had ever experienced before and one that hasn't been topped since. It was romantic and sappy with lots of touching and playing before hand…but it was the most wonderful night of my life.

It started out like any other night…me showing up at Max's house for some alone time in his room as well as a little smoothing and cuddling. However…once I got there everything changed. Max was waiting for me and he was dressed to the nines in a suit that was tailored to his every curve. My mouth fell open the moment that I laid eyes upon him and only continued to fall wider as he produced a tailor made suit for me as well. I had no idea what was going on…but it seemed that Max was in charge and all I could do was follow his lead. He had me dressed and looking sharp within a matter of minutes

"So where too?" I asked once he had gelled up my hair and slicked it back to perfection. I figured that we were just going to have a romantic evening at his house since his aunt was out for the evening with some friends…but it turned into an even bigger surprise when he grabbed my keys from where I had thrown them on his dresser and placed them in my hands.

"You'll have to drive…but I am taking us out for a night on the town" He said with such a beautiful…yet somewhat sad smile. I didn't know it then…but thinking back on it now it all makes sense…but I am getting ahead of myself.

"Max…we don't have to go out" I assured…thinking that the sadness was more likely fear of leaving the sanctuary of his home…but I was oh so wrong. "We can just stay here and hang out"

"No…I want to do this for you tonight…for us. It will be good for the two of us to get out of this house and do things that a normal couple do or what I think that they do" He blushed…ducking his head as another sad smile crossed his face.

"Well lets go then" I smiled at him…capturing his chin within my hand as I pulled his handsome face upwards so I could share with him a little kiss. "Where are we off to then?" I asked…still having no clue as to where we were going but having to admit that I was excited at the idea of showing my man off to the town of Roswell New Mexico. I could tell that Max was nervous as we drove down the busy streets…but I did what any boyfriend would do to calm his nerves…I held his hand the entire car trip…never letting go until we entered the fancy restaurant that he had directed me to. We were seated immediately since he seemed that Max had made reservations before hand. He didn't say much through the appetizers…even less through the entrees…until I could take the silence no more. "Ok Max…what gives?" I asked…trying to keep the concern out of my voice…but it was a task that I was destined to fail.

"What…nothing" I lied and I could tell that he was by the look in his eyes.

"Bullshit…" I retorted…taking his hand from off the table as I cradled it within my own under the table and across my lap. "I come over and you have this huge date set up for us…when most times I can barely get you out of the house. You haven't said more then ten words in the last hour and your hands are trembling. What's the matter Max? Are you…Omg…are you sick?" I asked in a panic…getting some strange looks from the other patrons of the restaurant. "Do I need to take you to the hospital" I ignored their looks…jumping up off of my chair as I raced around the table and attempted to help him up as well.

"Kyle…no" He cried out…grabbing onto my hands to hinder my efforts. "I am fine…really" He went on…giving me a look that begged for me to sit down and stop causing a scene and so I did what he asked. "Really…I'm ok" He reassured…placing his hand into my own…and really being brave as he kept it out in the open for all to see. "I'm just a bit nervous…being out in the open with all these people"

"Yeah…not that I mind showing you off to this small town…but what gives with the sudden urge to go out?" I asked an earlier question…smiling like crazy at the very idea that he was being brave enough to show public displays of affection.

"I just wanted tonight to be special Kyle…something that I will remember for always" He spoke with another beautiful blush across his handsome face. "Because…I'm ready Kyle"

"Ready?" I questioned…not having a clue as to what he was talking about as I dug into the dessert that they had placed before Max and myself. "Ready for what?"

"You know…ready" He whispered under his breath…blushing even deeper as I turned to face him with a look of astonishment plastered across my face.

"You're ready…ready ready?" I stammered…nearly choking of the sinfully rich cake that I had been devouring. "OMG…waiter…check please" I cried out…wiping my mouth quickly with the fancy linen napkin…nearly choking in the process.

"Kyle…wait…no…not yet" Max laughed…blushing a red that I had never even seen before on anyone's face.

"Huh…but you said" I blurted out…hating how anxious that I sounded…but I felt as if I was dying for want of making love to Max.

"I know and we will…but I really just want to enjoy the rest of the evening. We have all night…can you just please be patient with me and let me…let us enjoy the rest of the evening together. My aunt called while you were in the restroom and she won't be home at all tonight. She is going to stay at her friends tonight so we have the house all to ourselves until she comes home tomorrow afternoon. So please…can we just enjoy the rest of what I have planned for you?"

There was no way that I could deny that man anything as a blush of my own blazed across my face at my eagerness. "Ok Max…tonight is all about us then" I toasted…lifting my wine glass…urging him to do the same as we clinked glasses…sharing a knowing smile before taking a sip. "So…do you want any of this delicious dessert?" I teased…picking up the fork before cutting into the cake and waving it in front of his face. "It's really good" I continued with my teasing as I placed the prongs of the fork against his lips…dragging the thick frosting across his grinning lips. "Really…really good" I continued…more to myself then to him as I focused upon his frosting covered lips as I leaned in to lick the sweetness off…only to jerk back as I head my name being screamed across the place.

"What the fuck…" I heard the voice cry out as none other then Sean came rushing from across the room towards us.

"Shit…we have to go" I spoke in a hushed whisper to Max as I grabbed his hand and began to jerk him from the table.

"Kyle…what's wrong?" He asked…allowing me to lead him…but at the same time slowing me down before Sean reached us.

"Is this the guy that you dumped me for?" Sean screamed out madly…his face red and distorted in anger. "You didn't even have the fucking nerve to be man enough to end things face to face…you had to do it over the phone. And this is the man that you left me for…this…this…" I didn't give him to finish as I grabbed onto Max's hand once again and literally dragged him away from the table…a still ranting Sean in tow. I could feel the tension in Max's hand as we made our way for the door…only to the manager stop us before we even had a chance.

"You can not leave until you have paid you bill" He said…as I began fishing around in my pocket for my wallet…quickly realizing that I had left it in my other pair of pants back at Max's.

"Shit…I forgot my wallet" I cried out…trying to ignore Sean as he screamed in my ear…tugging on my arm in an effort to get me to listen to him. "Get the fuck away from me Sean" I cried out…pushing him back…fist clenched as I tried to control the urge to pound him into the ground.

"That's not what you were saying when you were coming to my house and fucking my brains out" Was his angry and extremely loud reply…causing all activity in the restaurant to come to a screeching halt. The world around me came to a screeching halt as well as I turned to find Max in the middle of paying the man…his face paler then I had ever seen it before. I could tell that he was about to lose it as I grabbed the credit card from the mans hand…grabbing onto Max as he stumbled sideways in an attempt to leave the scene.  
Were not done yet" I heard Sean cry out behind me…grabbing onto my shirt and he forced me to face him…dragging Max along with me for the ride.

"Oh yes we are…" I screamed…grabbing onto Max even tighter for I felt him slipping from my grip. "Look Sean…I know that I took the cowards way out when I ended things with you…and I am sorry for that. But I don't love you…I never loved you. I should have been a bigger man and ended things with you a long time ago…but I didn't and again I am sorry for that. I know that I have hurt you…but you have to realize that what we had was nothing more then it was…just sex"

I didn't have a chance to utter another word as Sean's fist came barreling towards my face…knocking me flat on my ass once it made impact. "Fuck you and fuck you…" He spat towards Max as he held his hand to his chest. "Don't think that you have won any great prize" He went on more towards Max then me…as I tried to gather my wits about me. "He may be one hell of a lover…but it's just a matter of time before he gets bored with you and moves on to the next man. He'll fuck you like mad…make you think that he loves you and then without notice he ends things with you and you are left wondering what the fuck happen. Take my advice and take it now…leave him now before he leaves you in the dust and doesn't look back" And with that said he was striding out the front door with several waiters rushing after him. I didn't know what was going on around me as a few men lifted me from where I continued to sit upon the ground stunned. Before I knew what was happening Max and I were in some sort of a back room…Max pacing crazily before me.

"Do you need someone to take you to the hospital?" I heard someone speak in a hushed and strangled tone and in an instant I knew what was about to happen.

"Max…" I cried out as I lunged off of the chair that I had been placed upon…grabbing onto him before he passed out.

"Is he ok man?" A man standing behind us questioned.

"Just give us a second will ya?" I cried out…focusing my attention back onto Max. "Max…just breath" I coached…rubbing his back in an attempt to sooth him. "Deep breath…in…out" I went on…moving him towards the chairs once he seemed to be coming around. "Are you ok?" I asked…already knowing the answer by the look that I was receiving from him. "Max speak to me"

"All those things that he said…are they true?" He asked quietly…fearful eyes full of tears staring back at me. "Did you do all those things that he said that you did?"

I wanted to lie to him and pretend that none of what Sean had said was true…but as I looked deeper into Max's eyes I knew that he deserved the truth. "It's true" I spoke blankly…jerking myself off of the chair as I began to walk the tiny room. "I did use Sean for sex and I knew that he was in love with me but I never told him that I wasn't in love with him. But…I wasn't in love with him Max…I have only ever loved one man and that man is you" I spoke quickly…falling to my knees before him as I took his chilled hands into my own.

"You hurt him Kyle" Was his reply…sending my guilt…my anger and my frustration all swirling into one. "How could you do that to another human being?"

"Jesus Max…" I cried out…once again taking a walk around the room as I pushed away from him. "What do you want me to say? Yes…I used him. Yes…I know that I hurt him with my lies and me taking the cowards way out…but I didn't know any other way to handle it" I was angry that I had to defend myself as I turned to face him…crossing my arms across my chest.

"How…how do I know that you won't just do the same to me?" He asked and I could see that he was serious as he looked up at me with a look of defiant fear spread across his face.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I spat out in surprise…my anger surpassing all other emotions at the moment. "You have been a pain in my ass from the moment that I met you. You have been sickly and whiny from day one. You almost fucking killed me in the pool that day. You have mood swings like none other I have ever seen before. You have lied to me about being gay and now you have the nerve to judge me for a mistake that I made…that doesn't I might remind you have anything to do with you except that the reason that I left Sean was because I fell in love with you. Well you know what Max…Fuck you" I nearly screamed in his face as I grabbed him by the arm and literally dragged him out of the restaurant. "You think that I am such a horrible person well then maybe I should live up to your expectations" No more words were spoken from me as I shoved him into my car…slamming the door behind him before taking my seat on the other side. "Don't say a word Max…I mean it not one fucking word" I cut him off before he had a chance to speak.

We sat there in the parking lot for a few moments in stone cold silence as I simmered in my anger and Max wept beside me. I was so angry…so fucking angry and yet I knew that Max questioning me was only part of the problem. "Kyle…" I heard him whisper my name tearfully. "Kyle…I'm sorry" He went on despite the fact that I had yet to look at him. "Kyle…please say something…anything" I could hear the begging in his voice and as usual it caused my regret at hurting him once again to overtake me.

"You seem to think that I am this perfect person Max" I began…taking a deep breath before I continued…still unable to look at him. "You think that I can do no wrong and you put me up on a pedestal because of it. I have news for you Max" I turned to face him…my own tears misting at my eyes as I got my first look of the broken man beside me. "I'm only human and I make mistakes…lots of them. What happened between Sean and I was a mistake…a huge one…but it has nothing to do with you. I know that you are scared…know that I am the first person that you have trusted and given your heart to and that your afraid that I will break it…but you never stopped to think that I might be feeling the same way" Pulling another breath into my lungs…I pulled my eyes away from his in order to collect myself. "I have just as much to lose as you do Max. I've never been in love before…never wanted to be in love and then you came back into my life. Being in love with you thrills me and frightens me to my very core. You have no idea what its like for me knowing that one day you may leave me…either out of boredom or worse…sickness. I'm sorry that I said all those hateful things to you back there…but being with you Max has been a struggle"

"Then…then why are you still here with me?" He questioned…as I once again looked over at him. "If I am such a pain in the ass then why haven't you left me…because I was sure that you would have by now" I was amazed at how forthright he was being…since he had never been in the past and yet it scared me even more then I already was.

"I'm still with you because I love you…because I want to be with you. I'm not going to lie to you and say that being with you has been easy…but loving you…well that just comes easily for me" I replied softly…reaching out as I wiped those stray tears that were lingering upon his face. "You've changed me Max in a way that I never thought anyone could. Before I met you I would have never uttered the love word so easily…but when I am with you if just flows from my lips with such ease. I've given up my whole life just to be with you…doesn't that prove to you how committed I am to you and what we have. I want to be with you…share my life with you…but you have to trust in the fact that I may hurt you from time to time…I may make mistakes that will piss you off…but that I will always love you…no matter what" It was a vow that I meant from the bottom of my soul as I continued to cup his face within my hand...my heart stopping within my chest as I waited for his response.

"I…I do" He stammered…leaning into my touch. "I love you and I do trust you Kyle…with my life…with my soul…with my body" I could feel the heat of his blush as he looked up and into my eyes…speaking volumes as to what he was trying to say. I knew that our fight was over when he leaned in and kissed me softly at first…but then it turned near explosive as he kissed me in a way that let me know what was about to happen next. "Let's go back to my house" He panted once he had broken our kiss…leaning his forehead against my cheek as he caught his breath.

"Max…no…not tonight…not after all this" I pushed past my spiraling need to fuck him right there. "It's been a long night…too much has happened and been said. I can wait…we can wait" I said…closing me eyes as he continued to lean against me. "We have plenty of time for the rest. I'll just take you home and you can get some sleep" He didn't respond to me…just slide his head to my shoulder as he snuggled into my side. Taking that as an answer of yes…I started the car as we drove back to his place in silence. "Ok…off to bed with you. I'll see you in the morning" I smiled at him once we had reached the door of his home.

"Don't I get a goodnight kiss" He grinned at me as I began to walk away from him.

"Didn't think that you'd want one after all the shit that happened tonight" I spoke truthfully…turning back to face him.

"Kyle…when don't I want to kiss you?" He laughed with another famous Max Evans blush racing across his face.

"This is true" I laughed…more like giggled as I pulled him into my arms and placed a lingering kiss upon his lips. It was only meant to me a small goodnight kiss…but as Max wrapped his arms tightly around my neck I knew that it was going to be so much more. Over and over our lips explored each others…Max taking the lead of us two as he smoothly snuck his tongue into my more then eager mouth. I wasn't going to put up any fight at all as back and forth we gnashed mouths…rubbed tongues and practically inhaled each other until we could breath no more. "Now…go on…get to bed" I pushed him towards the yet to be open door…trying to catch my stolen breath before once again trying to take my leave…because truth me told I was losing the battle to have Max right then and there very quickly.

"I'm not tired" He whined…grabbing onto the back of the very expensive suit that he had gotten for me. "Why don't you come in an keep me company" I could hear the teasing coyness in his voice and it quickly set my dick in motion…but once again I tried to be a gentleman and bid him goodnight.

"Max…it's late and you know as well as I do that if I come in that things are going to happen that…"

"Yes…you're right…now get you ass in here and fuck me" He cut me off with his next set of words as he began to unbutton his shirt before turning from me and letting himself into the house. I could only stand there with my mouth ajar…trying to figure out if Max had just said and done those things or if it was my over active imagination. However…I quickly realized that it was vivid reality as Max's shirt came flying out the front door…followed by his pants…his socks and then his underwear. Grabbing the clothes where they lay upon the front pouch…I quickly scanned the area behind me to ensure that no one else was witnessing what was going one before racing into the house in order to find Max. I found him alright…naked and beautiful laying upon his bed…a full bodied blush covering his entire body. "Make love to me Kyle…" He spoke heated and heavy words that once again sent my dick a twitching as I quickly undressed myself before literally jumping on top of him. Our lips became joined as they once again became familiar with each other as hands…legs and bodies began to explore…writhe and feel. I wanted to slow down…wanted to at least keep some of my cool but as moan after moan escaped Max's swollen mouth…I gave up all efforts in a flash.

I knew that I as going to be Max's first and I wanted to make it as special and memorable as I could…I just hoped that I could last that long. Before him sex was something that was hot…heavy and rushed. There was no snuggling or cuddling afterwards…just me leaving the scene before washing the events of the evening away as fast as I could. I didn't feel that way with Max. I wanted to prolong our first time for as long as possible…wanted to savor everything that Maxwell Evans had to offer to me and I hoped that he longed to do the same. I began my journey as I began to nibble gently upon his ears. I learned early on that Max's ears were a tender spot…one that got him all hot and bothered with just a few well placed swipes of tongue…or tugging teeth. He arched up into my body from first touch as I slid my hands underneath him…running my hands over the curves of his shoulder and back. Max was mere putty in my hands as I cupped his neck…him leaning back into my touch before I began to kiss him again. I loved kissing Max's lips…but I thoroughly enjoyed licking and kissing the rest of his body as I gave up the lip play and began to explore some more.

"God Kyle…" I heard him cry out as I licked slowly at a jutted nipple…once again arching up off of the bed. Reaching up I captured the side of his face with my hand…once again laving attention upon it. Next to explore was the long and lean torso of the man panting underneath me like mad. With each press of lips to skin he would shudder in response and the lower that I went the more intense the shudders became. Face to face with his long and lean dick…my mouth watered to taste of it. My hands itched to touch it…stroke it…make it hard and ready for the gooey surprise that I knew lay in wait for me. I didn't waste another moment as I gently took it within my hand…looking up to check on Max quickly before I went onward. His eyes were closed…upper teeth biting his lower lips in what looked like pure orgasmic pleasure. I knew that he wasn't going to last long…but what did I care…I just wanted to hear him scream in pleasure before swallowing his juices down. "OH GOD…" He screamed not a moment later as I leaned in and took my first good long taste of him…my hand now resting at the bottom of his shaft…putting pressure upon his balls.

"Easy Max…" I chuckled…setting back to my task because I wanted to hear him cry out like that once again. He didn't disappoint as he once again cried out loudly as I went in for round two…inhaling the entire thing into my mouth. Deep throating was easy for me as I opened my mouth a bit wider and allowed his entire penis to slide forward down my throat. He came off the bed at that moment as he latched painfully upon my hair with his hands…but it didn't detour my from my action. I was on a mission as by the grip and the cries I heard all around me I knew that I wasn't going to be long before I was successful. Forgoing the deep throat…I began to bob my head up and down…applying more pressure as I moved upwards towards the tip. He came hard and loud as warm and salty cum squirted against the back of my throat. "Shit…" I cried out as cries of pleasure were replaced with gasps of breath that scared me shitless. "OMG…Max are you ok?" I questioned madly…jumping up beside him as I took his face into my hands.

"I'm…I'm…" He stammered…still trying to catch his breath…his hands clasped firmly upon my forearm as so for me not to leave his side. "I've never felt better in my life" Were his rushed words as he looked up at me with such a smile upon his face that it took my breath away. "Thank you Kyle…"

"You don't have to thank me Max…I love you" I spoke softly…leaning down to kiss him tenderly to prove my point.

"I love you too" He replied…running his hand across my face as he continued to look up at me. "Kyle…" He went on and I could tell that he wanted to say something but was afraid to…which sent his cuteness factor up several notches.

"What do you want to say to me?" I asked…hoping and praying that it was what I wanted it to be.

"Make love to me" He said the words that I had been dying to hear as I smiled down on him…falling more in love with him at that very moment then I ever felt possible. "Are you sure?" I cradled his face once again within my hand.

"I'm sure" Was his reply as he graced me with a look of love that till this very day I still remember like it was yesterday.

I was rock hard and ready as I kissed him deeply once last time before kissing my way down his body. Leaving his side for just a few seconds I rummaged through my jeans in search of my wallet and the two needed necessities lodged within it. Finding them I made my way back…ripping open the two foil packages as I covered my dick with the condom…my finger with the lube. "Max…look at me" I spoke softly because I wanted to make what we were about to do as painless as possible. "I want you to take a deep breath and relax as much as you can. The first time can be extremely painful…but once you get past the pain the pleasure is unlike anything you have ever felt before. Do you trust me Max?" I asked…already knowing the answer as he looked up at me with such love. "Ready…deep breath" He did as I asked as I spread his legs open…placing my free hand under his beautiful ass as I shifted him upwards some. Slowly and steadily I eased my lubed finger into his anus…keeping an always watchful eye on my lover. I could see the pain as it contorted across his face…but I knew that Max would let me know if it became too much to take. Once I had pushed past his tightening I inserted another finger…that same look of pain flashing across his face…but he uttered not a word.

Once I knew that he was ready I situated myself at his entrance…sliding in only to pull right back out as Max cried out in fright. "Hold my hand…please" He begged…reaching out…gripping onto it almost painfully as I intertwined our fingers. "Ok…I'm ready" He assured with a smile as he squeezed my hand a bit hard…but I had yet to move. "Really…I just needed to feel a bit closer to you. Please…I'm ready now" I could see that he was as I squeezed his hand back before moving forward once again. With each inch that filled him the grip on my hand increased until I had no feeling whatsoever in my hand…but I didn't care. It felt glorious to feel his warmth all around me as I set a clumsy rhythm that soon turned into a pistoning power that had us both moaning and crying out in please and pain. I came hard as I cried out Max's name…he doing the same for a second time that night.

I was exhausted as I fell to the bed beside Max…quickly disposing of the condom before pulling him into my arms as I laid his idle head upon my chest. I thought that he was asleep until I heard his weary voice whisper out to me. "You ok?" I asked concerned as I looked down at him in concern.

"Yeah…" He spoke softly…smiling up at me as he continued to lay upon my chest. "Kyle…" He said after a moment of silence.

"Yeah…"

"I just want you to know that no matter what happens that I love you unlike I have ever loved anyone else. I have never been so happy in my entire life and it's all because of you. I just love you so much" He was sobbing as he finished his words and it caused me to worry that maybe we had rushed things just a bit to fast.

"Hey…where is this all coming from?" I asked…sliding down further on the bed until we were face to face.

"Just being over emotional I guess" He grinned at me…but the look in his eye frightened me somewhat because it was something that I couldn't understand. He kissed me long and deep before snuggling once again upon my chest…falling into slumber. I laid there for a long time after that trying to figure out that haunted look that refused me leave my mind.

I guess I eventually feel asleep because I woke up the next morning to the ringing of my cell phone and my very upset mother. Before I even had a chance to speak a word she was screaming at me and telling me to get my ass across the street. I knew why she was upset…but I was reluctant to leave Max's side after what had happened the previous night. However…as she threatened to end my very life I decided that living would be the better alternative. "Max…hey" I whispered softly against his ear…shaking his gently in order to wake him. "Max…baby…wake up" I went on…shaking him again as he opened his eyes slowly…that same look from before staring back at me. "I'm supposed to go to my Grandma's with my mother today…but you don't look so good so maybe I should stay here with you instead. Wouldn't you like that?" I grinned down at him…moving a stray piece of hair from off his forehead as an excuse to feel his forehead for fever. "I bet you would love for me to take care of you all day…being at your beck and call"

"NO…" He cried out…scaring the shit out of me as he jumped off of the bed. "I mean…I'm ok" I could tell that he was lying as he refused to look at me…running for the bathroom instead. I didn't know what was going on with Max…but what I did know was that my nerves were about shot after twenty minutes of him still hiding in the bathroom and three very irritating phone calls from my mother. Finally he came out…his eyes red and blood shot.

"Ok Max…what the hell is going on with you?" I asked again…this time there was nothing loving about it because I was truly worried.

"Nothing…" He replied with a weak smile as he tried to walk past me.

"Bullshit…them why are your eyes red then?" I asked…placing my hand tenderly upon the side of his face. "Please Max…I know that something's not right. Do I need to take you to the doctor?" I asked fearfully as he looked up at me with tears pooling in his eyes.

"I'm fine Kyle…really" He responded…licking his lips before leaning down and kissing me softly. "I'm just really tired after such a wonderful night" He smiled at me again…but it just never quite reached his eyes. "You go and spend the day with your mother and your grand mother and I am going to catch up on my sleep. You really wore me out you know" He laughed…wrapping his arms around my neck as he pulled me into his arms. "I love you Kyle…always remember that" He whispered against my ear before shoving me towards the door of the room. I hesitated for a moment as I watched him climb back into bed…pulling the covers up to his chin as he smiled sadly at me. "Go on…get out of here and I will talk to you later"

"Love you. Call me on my cell if you need anything" I said to him before taking my leave towards home. That day turned out to be the day from hell my mother and I drove to Dexter where my grand mother lived. I didn't know where this sudden trip to visit her had sprung up from…but she played the guilt card and who was I to deny her anything. By mid day I had had enough of bonding with my family as I made an attempt to sneak away in order call Max on my cell to make sure that he was ok…but mysteriously my cell phone had disappeared. I searched the car frantically for it…thinking that I had lost it there…but came up empty handed. Next I searched all the places that I had been in my grandma's house with no luck. I asked my mother if I could borrow hers just for a moment to check on Max…but she claimed that she had left it home by mistake. My grand mothers house didn't have a phone and so I was forced to deal with the nagging feeling that I had in my gut until my mother was ready to take me back home. It was well after dinner that she decided that the time was right and nearly eight before we reached Roswell. The moment that we pulled into the driveway and I saw the darkened house across the street I knew that something was wrong.

I don't think I ever ran as fast as I did that night as I raced across the street and peered into the darkened living room. My heart stopped in an instant as I took in the completely empty room. Racing around towards the back of the house…I did the same as before as I looked in through one of Max's bedroom windows and found every piece of furniture gone. I was dizzy with fear…not knowing where to go or what to do as reality and the pieces of the puzzle began to fit together. Running back across the street I entered my house…nearly knocking my mother to the floor as I entered the kitchen. "What did you do?" I belted out…not giving her a chance to speak as I went on with my line of questioning. "Where is he? I know that you know and that this little outing today had to do with me not going to Montana. Where the fuck is he?" I screamed at her once again as I grabbed her by the shoulder and began to shake her.

"It was for your own good Kyle" She replied fearfully as he braced herself for what I assumed to be something worse then mere shaking.

"Where is he mom…please you have to tell me. I love him…don't you get that…I love him" I sobbed…falling onto a nearby kitchen chair as I laid my head upon my hands because I knew that Max was gone from my life and there was nothing that I could do about it.

"I don't know where he went…he wouldn't tell me. He knew that if he did that eventually you would wear me down and come looking for me. He left this for you. I'm sorry honey…I hope one day that you will be able to forgive me for what I have done…but there was really no other way since you wouldn't listen to reason" Her words infuriated me as I grabbed the small package she was holding…racing out the back kitchen door.

I was so angry as I sped along the dangerous curves of the back roads of the dessert. I could barely make out the scenery as it blurred past me and yet I couldn't tell if it was from my tears of the speed at which I was flying. I didn't care where I was going or what was going to happen once I got there…all I knew was that I had to leave and I had to get there fast. I must have driven for hours until I could drive no more. Pulling off onto a tiny side road I followed it until I reached my destination in the form of an old rock quarry. It had been years since I had been there…and yet nothing had changed in all those years. It was a place that my father used to take me when life became to hard to deal with and it was the place that I came for the same reason many times after his death.

Pulling the car to a stop…I grabbed the package that Max had left for me as I climbed out. I was amazed how calm and quiet everything felt around me as the full of the moon shone down…lighting the area around me. Sitting upon a large rock formation I just stared at the box unable to fathom that it was all that I had left of the man that I had given my heart to. I really didn't want to open it as I debated tossing it over the large alcove located before me…but my broken heart would not allow it as I gently ripped it open as the tears that had been pouring down my face from the moment I left home rained down even more.

Inside there was an envelope which I found contained a letter written in Max's perfect penmanship. Closing my eyes I just held that letter in my hand…tracing over the top page as I fought to control the urge to vomit. I knew that once I read it that everything that had changed about me and the way that I perceived the love that I held for Max would change once again. I took a deep breath before opening my eyes and reading the words of the man who had broken my heart so severely that I didn't think that it would ever be whole again.

Dear Kyle…

I don't even know where or how to begin this letter since in truth it is the cowards way to end what we have together. I know that you are angry…know that you must hate me for the way that I deceived you…but you have to know that the reason that I did this was out of love for you. I know that you are scoffing as you read these words…rolling your eyes because you think that I was to much of a coward to speak to you face to face…and you are right. However…you will never know how hard it was for me to make this decision and how it is tearing me up at this very moment as I write these words that you are reading. I love you Kyle. It's a plain and honest truth that will remain true for as long as I walk this planet. You have no idea how happy you have made me in these last months and how much I cherished each and every moment that we have spent together…and there were a lot of them this summer. You brought laughter into my life when I didn't think that I could ever laugh again and you allowed me to feel love and to love when I thought that I was loveless. You showed me that there is still some good in people and that I am capable of being love and of loving and it is a gift that I will keep with me for always. I still find it hard to believe that someone like you could love someone like me…but you did and as I recall that first kiss…recall last night as we made love…it brings a smile to my face and makes my heart skip a beat all at the same time.

I know that you are angry…know that you probably hate me with and undying passion…but as much as it pains me I can live with that Kyle. What I couldn't live with was the idea that you would give up your entire life to be with me. Believe me when I tell you that I struggled with my decision. I struggled long and hard and the greedy side of my wanted to keep you here with me as you continued to share your love with me…but the sensible side of me over took that other side because I knew that eventually you would grow to hate me for it. Stop shaking your head because if you think long and hard about it you know that I am right. Before you and I were reacquainted you had your own dreams and future planned out. I remember sitting and listening to you go on for hours at the beginning about going to college in Montana and what you planned to do with you life once you had graduated. How could I expect you to give all that up for me when all I have to offer you are a few good days…but mostly bad ones.

I know that you think blaming this on my health is just a cope out…but when you think about it you will realize that it really isn't. Yes…my health played a large part in my decision…but it was giving you your freedom back that was the deciding factor. You're young and healthy and have so much potential to share with the world that I could never live with myself if I asked you to throw it all away for me. I know that you are thinking that you will never find love again…but I know that you will. You have such a big beautiful heart and is capable of loving many men…I just ask that you always save a small spot for me.

I guess that is about all there is to left to say….except that I love you from the bottom of my heart and I want to thank you for loving me in return. You've changed my life in a way that I can never thank you enough for. You gave me the courage to learn and grow into a man…instead of the staying the cowering child you knew from the beginning. You've brought such love and light into my life that I know even without you in my arms…that you will always be part of my life. Take care Kyle and know that there will not be a day that I don't think about and miss you. I wish you success in your career path for I know that once you set you mind to something you can achieve anything.

All my love…Max

I was so over whelmed with emotion that I didn't know what to do. I wanted to scream out in anger because of all the hurt that had invaded my heart. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity that was my life because I not only had allowed myself to fall in love with someone so deeply that I was so willing to give up my entire future for him as well. I wanted to cry for those same reasons…but I couldn't as I just sat there numb and confused. Momentarily forgetting about the box I leaned back against the rock just staring off into the sky before the sound of something hitting cardboard jerked my attention back. Picking up the box that had slide down the rock…I reached inside and pulled out my missing cell phone. I knew that he had been the one to take it as he put his plans into action. Also inside was the prototype of the game that he had been developing that first night we had entered each others lives again as the tears that I had been holding at bay consumed me. Last there was a small photo album laying upon the bottom…which sent my tears into overdrive when I opened it up and found a once happy couple staring back up at me. Inside there were several pictures that had been taken through out the course of the summer and in each one Max and I were together. There were pictures of us and our friends as we shared the summer in Max's backyard…basking in the sun and playing in the pool. There were pictures of he and I as we watched many a game on the TV…some I had no idea were being taken. Yet there we still many more of private times where it was just he and I playing around with his digital camera. The last one was taken the final nigh that we were together as he and I sat upon his bed…dressed in our fancy suits…arms wrapped tightly around each other as we smiled at the camera. I was besides myself with grief and anger as I took the photo album and flung it as hard as I could across the gravel and sand…regretting it immediately. Afterwards I searched frantically for it for almost an hour before finding it…that final picture scratched and dirty. I lost it at the very moment as once again all the pain and hurt that had been welling deep inside me spilled out. My cries were loud and painful as I sat upon my knees trying to figure out when my life became so empty and lonely. Eventually I was able to pull myself together enough to drive back home…anger replacing the sadness with each mile that I passed. "Kyle…where have you been?" I heard my mother ask me as I breezed through the kitchen where I had left here hours ago. I didn't speak a word as I rushed into my room…grabbing my suitcase from out of the closet as I began to pack the things that I would need for my journey. I could hear her vaguely screaming at me in the background as he once or twice tried to hinder my attempts…but after the second time I practically shoved her out of the room…locking the door behind her. I don't know how long I was in there since I seemed to be on automatic pilot…but soon I had my shit packed and was loading it into my car. My mother was in hysterics as I walked past her and once again entered my room…grabbing the left over necessities that I would need. "Kyle please…tell me where you are going" She screamed grabbing on my arm as he forced me to turn and face her. "Talk to me"

"You got your wish mother" I replied to her…the anger that had been pushing me onward before dying into cold embers. "You plotted and schemed behind my back to get you what wanted and now you've gotten it. I hope that you are happy mother…because you've nearly killed your only son" I knew that I was being over dramatic…but I didn't care because it was exactly as I felt. I didn't feel as if life would be worth living now that Max was gone from it…felt as if I were only going to the motions before death thankfully took me away from it all.

"Kyle…don't say things like that. I know that you think that I plotted against you…but it wasn't like that…not completely. Max came to me and…"

"Oh this is all Max's fault" I screamed unable to fathom that she was pinning this all on the man that I hated and loved all at the same time.

"No Kyle…please your upset and not thinking rationally"

"No you're right I'm not" I agreed…getting behind the wheel of my car. "But…who's fault is that mom. I'm going to spend the night with Michael and then in the morning I am leaving for Montana. Don't try to stop me…don't call Michael and get him involved because it wont' work. I can't be here with you anymore and I don't know when I will be able to ever talk to you again…if I ever talk to you again. You think that you did something great here…but all you've managed to do it break my heart" And with that said I gunned the engine to drown out her tears before racing off towards Michael's.

As expected Michael was laying in wait of me the moment that I pulled into the parking lot of his apartment. I was tired…heart broken and a just plain mess as I walked past him as I made my way into his apartment. I knew that Michael didn't know what to do or say as I literally broke down in front of him…but he did the next best thing as he sat down on the couch beside me as held me as I cried my heart out. I don't know how long we sat like that but not once did he ever loosen the grip that he had upon me…not even when Maria and Liz showed up to show their support as well. It was nice to know that I still had the love and the support of my friends…despite that fact that I had lost the man of my dreams and the women who had given birth to me.

The four of us talked a lot that night. We talked about the friendships that we had formed so many years before that and the fact that no matter where life took us in the future nothing would come between us. Bonds were strengthened as we all huddled on Michael's queen sized bed and spoke of our hopes and our dreams…wants of loves. I was determined that I would never allow myself to love another man in the way that I allowed myself to love Max…even so much as making a solemn vow right before their very eyes…because there was no way that I was ever going to go through the pain that I was going through at that time. Thankfully my friends knew better as they formed a perfect circle of love around me…letting me know just how much they loved me as they assured that I would in deed find love once again. I refused to believe them…but the harder that I fought it the harder they fought back and so I eventually just gave up that argument altogether. Sometime during the night we eventually fell asleep…only waking hours later when Michael rolled over and fell off the bed with a resounding yelp. I couldn't stop the giggles that inhabited me as he pulled himself off of the floor looking all grizzled and haggled before stomping off to the bathroom with a few choice grumbles shot our way as we tried to control the all out laughter that followed.

"God…I'm going to miss this" I spoke softly once the fit of giggles had subsided. "I can't believe that I am leaving for Montana today and may never see you guys again" I continued…sniffling slightly as the true reality of my life hit me head on. "You're off to California and Michael and Maria are heading off to New York. I mean Jesus could we all be any farther apart" I whined towards the two women that I loved like my own sisters. "I'm so fucking scared" I admitted as the two sandwiched me between their two bodies…wrapping me within a cocoon of loving warmth. "I just don't think that I will ever be happy again" My truths continued as I nuzzled Liz's dark hair with my nose. "It's like when he left he took at the made me happy with him. What if I go there and all I find is misery and pain?" I asked no one in particular as shivers began to race up and down my spine.

"You're Kyle fucking Valenti…" Maria piped up…pulling herself onto her knees as she knelt behind me. "I've known you practically my whole life and never have I not known you to take command of a situation and make it your own. It will be the same once you get settled in Montana. You will find your nitch and run with it. Hell…I bet before the end of the first quarter you are running the show" Her laughter echoed around us as she grabbed the pillow at my head…raising it above her head as she prepared to pound me with it…only to come up empty handed as Michael came up behind her and grabbed it. Immediately there after a pillow fight ensued that left us all winded and laughing once we were done. I left my friends mere hours after that…but not before Liz took me aside and spoke with me. She knew that I was upset with my mother and blamed her for everything…but she wanted me to look at it from another point of view…the view of Max. She told me that her and Max had talked on several occasions before everything happened and what he had told her was that he was frightened that he was holding me back from something great. She admitted that she knew that Max had talked to my mother…but that she truly had no idea as to what it was about…until after it happened. She asked me to forgive my mother and to remember that she only had my best interest at heart and although I knew that she was right…right there at that time I was in no mood to forgive her or Max.

Our goodbyes were heartfelt and tearful as I clung to them as if for dear life. Many promises were made and as long as I had air in my lungs they were promises that I was determined to keep. Afterwards as I drove down the streets of the city of my birth…I realized just how much I would miss Roswell. Ever since I could remember I had been trying to get out of Roswell as fast as I could…but at the very moment in time I never wanted to stay more then anything.

Four Years Later…

College life wasn't exactly what I expected it to be…at least not at first. At the beginning I practically threw myself into my studies…never going out or trying to meet anyone. The only person that I ever talked to was my roommate and that was because he wouldn't leave me the hell alone. I fought him tooth and nail…but eventually I allowed myself to ease up and found him to be a really great guy. It turned out that we had a lot in common…being gay and having had our hearts ripped out of our chests by the men that we had allowed ourselves to love. Justin was a great guy…who despite all the pain in his life looked on the bright side of everything. He was annoying and perky…but turned out to be a wonderful friend and even better lover years down the road. I had found a soul mate in Justin if you will…one where I could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me for it. He knew all about Max and the heartbreak that followed…knew about the estrangement from my mother and even worked on me enough to forgive her and allow her back into my life. I was amazed at how much he had changed my life in only a short year as roommates and friends…and yet I knew that there was still yet so much more to come.

Our second year of college he and I had decided to move out of the dorms and into our own apartment. I don't know why we came to this conclusion…but it seemed like a good idea at the time and we just ran with it. Our first place was tiny and roach infested…but it was ours and we loved it. It was there in that apartment that after a night on drinking and dancing Justin and I made love for the first time. It wasn't planned…in fact it caused some serious problems at the beginning because he decided to declare his love to me afterwards…where I was still determined not to fall for anyone else every again. He moved out a week later after I refused to talk to him about it…or anything for that matter as I attempted to just cut him out of life. He knew that I was frightened…knew that I was afraid to get hurt again but at the same time he wasn't willing to let himself get hurt as well. He was gone only three days before I realized that no matter how much I fought it…I too had fallen in love with him. He moved back in the same day that I declared my love to him…but not before reminding him that Max may have hurt me…but that he would always be my first true love. He said that he understood and years later after running into Max again I quickly learned that he truly did understand.

By our third year of college he and I had been a couple for a little over a year and I was shocked to find myself so happy and content. I had declared a major in sports medicine after I shattered my both my knees during the homecoming football game…ending my hopes of vying for a place with a major football league. It turned out to be the best thing for me as it brought Justin and I even closer during my six week hospital stay as well as forcing me to decide on the major I had been juggling with since I entered the University of Montana. After my release I was hired on as the medical assistant for the same team I was forced to leave due to my injuries. I loved working with the team once again and quickly found that I had found the job of my dreams…or so I thought.

By graduation Justin and I had bought a house and were even talking about getting married…more so Justin then myself. Gay marriage had been made legal and as much as the idea of pledging my life to Justin…hell to anyone that wasn't Max frightened me to death. Yes…even after four years of no contact with Max…I still loved him. I wondered where he was almost nightly…wondered if he was thinking about me…missing me as much as I was missing him. I felt in a sense that I was cheating of Justin with my thoughts and need for Max…but I kept the guilt and the pain to myself as I went on with my life the best I could. It was during those same four years that I had tried to track Max down anyway that I could…or as much as I could without getting caught. I didn't know what I would do or say to him if I ever found him…but as Justin's nagging for marriage continued that last year…the harder my search for Max continued. Lots of money was spent on private investigators who claimed to be able to find the elusive man…but it was a fluke accident on a trip to New York with the team that I literally stumbled upon Max myself.

"Kyle…" I heard someone sing against my ear…a warm body wrapping itself around my backside. I tried to ignore him…but he was extremely persistent as a hot trail of kisses were placed down my naked spine…laving extra attention around my ass cheeks before delving his tongue against my puckered hole. I about climbed up the wall as he tongue fucked my tight opening…but opted instead for clawing at the sheet as the morning wood I had already been sprouting developed a leak. His hands were everywhere as they groped my clenching ass checks…my back…anywhere that he could lay them upon. My cries were loud and encouraging as he forwent the bathing of my sphincter and instead turned that glorious tongue towards more needful items. I was painfully hard as slurped first one…then the other of my balls into his mouth as I screamed out in full and wanton pleasure…only to cry out in pain as I the plop of him spitting them out echoed around us. "Fuck me big man…" He breathed heavily against my ear and who was I to ignore him request as I pinned him to the sheets…throwing his legs over my shoulders before shoving my dick so far into his ass that his head slammed into the headboard. "Fucker…" he cried out as he covered the crown of his blonde head with his hands…smiling up at me with such a mischievous grin that it sent my blood boiling even more then it was before. I fucked him long and hard that morning…each of us nearly peeling off the wall paper of the hotel we were staying in as mind numbing orgasms left us content…yet weak as day of kittens.

"Are you fucking trying to kill me?" I laughed tiredly…falling beside him as I tried to catch my breath after such sever activity.

"No baby…just want you to know what you can wake up to every morning once we are married" I heard Justin purr as he slinked his body once again around my own.

"I get that now and we are not married" I teased…as I tried to snuggle with the blonde bombshell…immediately knowing that I went to far as he somehow gathered up his strength and pushed me away. "Justin…where are you going?" I whined…holding my arms out to him because as far as I was concerned it was still to early to get out of bed. "Come back to bed…I promise to make it worth your wild once I get my strength back" I promised…spreading open my legs before grabbing my already hardening penis within my hands to prove my point.

"Three years Kyle" I heard the beginning of the same speech I had been hearing for the previous year…causing me to moan in response and yet he continued. "We've been together for three year and its seems that we have come to a stand still"

"We're not at a stand still" I went on with my real meaning as I repeated the same reply that I had given over the course of that same year.

"The fuck we're not" He cut back…pulling on an over sized terry cloth robe before falling into a nearby chair. "Jesus Kyle…how can you say that?" He asked…continuing before I had a chance to reply. "It's time to move on with our relationship. We're not kids anymore and truth be told I am tired of waiting. I want to get married…want to start a new and wonderful life with you. I want to maybe raise a few kids one day…grow old together and spoil our grandchildren. Don't you want that…don't you want to spend the rest of your life with the man that you claim to love"

I knew that he was hurt by the sound of his voice as I lifted my head and found him curled up in the chair he was sitting in. "I do love you Justin…you know that" I defended as I slide off of the bed…taking the sheet with me as I wrapped it around my waist. "I love you very much…but I don't understand how getting married and making it official will change what we have now…and I love what we have now" I spoke up as he turned tearful eyes towards me as I knelt before him.

"Because we will have committed ourselves to each other in the eyes of our friends and family and the church and the law. It's legal now for gays to get married and I want to be part of it. I love you Kyle…but lately it seems that you and I are headed down different paths. You want everything to be as it is right now…but I can't do that anymore. I want more from you and after proving to you that I love you and want only to be with you…I feel that you owe me at least that. It's time to make a decision Kyle about where you want this relationship between us to go…but as much as if hurts me to say this…I can't continue go along the way things have been for much longer" I was completely stunned as he slipped past me and locked himself in the bathroom. Shock quickly turned to anger as I pulled on my hastily discarded clothing from the previous night and stormed out of the room.

I was in a blind rage as I raced out of the elevator and through the lobby…nearly knocking this innocent stranger to the ground as I plowed into him. "Sorry…" I mumbled…not even looking him in the face as I grabbed onto his arm to keep him upright before rushing off in a huff.

"Kyle…" I heard the voice that had been haunting my heart and my dreams call out to me as I came to a blind stop. "Kyle is that you?" I heard him speak again as my heart raced for hard that I feared it would literally pop out of my throat. The world around me few fuzzy for a moment as I tried to get my bearings straight…cursing like hell that finally after four years of hoping and praying that we would meet again…we finally were and I looked like I had just rolled out of bed. "Kyle…Omg…it is you" I came face to face with Max as he walked around to face me. Before I knew what was happening I found myself in his arms and he hugged me stiffly before letting go. It was over much to fast for me as I once again berated myself…this time for not reciprocating the action.

"Max…wh…what are you doing here?" I asked…sounding like a goof…but it was as if I couldn't get my mouth and brain to work in sync with each other.

"I'm supposed to be there on business…since I've gotten here I've done everything but" He laughed happily as my heart died a little more that day. Max was amazing to look at…even more so then before. It was as if he were a completely different person then the one that had left me broken hearted and wishing for death so many years before hand. He had a healthy glow about him that was so unlike his normal near ghostly pallor. His body was leaner…more defined as I dreamed of what it would be like to have it writhing underneath me. "What about you? What are you doing here in New York?" He asked…and as I looked into his eyes I realized that he was feeling exactly the same way that I was…he was just better at hiding it.

"Here with the team" I replied…taking a deep breath as I finally pulled myself together. I figured that if Max could act as if everything was fine and dandy then so could I. "I'm the medical assistant for the team. We've got a game here and so here I am"

"Yeah…yeah you are" He stammered…his face reddening as he turned back into the shy boy that I knew from so long ago. "So um Kyle…would…" He started speaking again…but I had to cut him off as my current and highly pissed off lover flew past me with his suitcase in hand.

"Hold on…" I cut him off. "Justin…Justin…where the hell are you going?" I cried out after him…reaching him before he reached the door as I spun him around. "Where the hell are you going?" I questioned…pulling him away from the swinging door before he had a chance to make a run for it again.

"I'm leaving Kyle. I can't do this anymore" He cried out extremely loudly…his words echoing across the crowded lobby as everyone including Max turned to face us. "You do this to me every time we have this conversation. You play off what I have to say and then you run out. I'm tired of it and the fact of the matter is that if you don't want to marry me then there is no reason for me to stay here any longer"

I don't know what made me say what it was that I said next…but as I pulled my eyes away from Justin for just a few seconds to look at Max…everything became crystal clear. No…it wasn't some grand revelation that I was completely over Max and head over heels in love with Justin. No…it was something along the lines of as I turned to steal my glimpse at Max a very attractive and well dressed man came up from behind…scooped Max into his arms before kissing the very breath out of him. My heart shattered in an instant and before I knew it I turned once again to face the tearful man before me…before uttering words I regretted the moment they exited my mouth. "Marry me Justin…" He was in my arms the second that I uttered the last word…alerting anyone within five mile radius of what had just transpired. Pulling my eyes once again towards the other end of the lobby…our eyes locked for just a brief few minutes before the man he was with whisked him off towards god only knew where.

Life after that brief meeting with Max that day became a fucked up mess. I was engaged to a man that I truly did love…but wasn't completely in love with and it killed me to know that in a sense I was cheating on him….if only in my dreams. I couldn't go a day…an hour…mere minutes without images of that hotter version of Max entering my mind. He haunted me during the day…even haunted me in my dreams at night…and yet I still pretended that all was right with the world. Justin was clueless as he threw himself completely into the preparation of our wedding…even going to far as to set the date without much input from me. I didn't think that I would ever see Max again…but nearly three months later he entered my life again and I knew that nothing was ever going to be the same between he…Justin or myself ever again.

It all started on a cold and snowy day as I made my way into the locker room to prepare for that nights game. The head coach was literally bouncing off of the walls as I entered the office that we shared…finding myself wrapped within his arms as he took me along for a twirl around the room. "I don't know why you did it…but boy I couldn't be happier that you did" He chirped…taking me for another spin before finally releasing me. I had no idea what he was talking about as I did a quick side step out of his way as he continued with his dance of craziness. "Do you know what this means Kyle?" He asked…not allowing me to speak before he went on. "It means new uniforms for the team…new sport equipment that we are in dire need of…but most important it means better medical equipment for you as well. You're a good boy Kyle…a fine boy…and I don't know how this school can ever repay you for what you have done"

I was completely stupefied as to what I had done to deserve such a reaction from a man who had rarely even spoke to me in all the time that I had been a player on the team…much less part of the medical team later on. "Um…Jack….I think it's great that you think so highly of my right now…but I have to tell you that I have no fucking clue as to what you are talking about"

"Being modest huh…" He laughed…punching me in the arm before falling into his desk chair winded. "Mr. Evans said that you would try to be modest…not wanting to take credit for talking him into making that huge…wonderful donation to the sports department"

The world around me came to a halt as I tried to figure out what the hell he was talking about and how the still love of my life was involved. "Evans…as in Max Evans?" I questioned…falling into a nearby chair before I fell to the floor in shock and yet at the same time hopeful nervousness.

"Of course Max Evans…" Jack laughed again…smacking his hands together in glee. "In fact we have a meeting with him in about an hour. He wants us to meet him at Jerold's for lunch. Can you believe it…Jerold's. Hell…I've only ever seen the outside of that place…much less going in to eat there. Don't suppose you ever been there?" He asked…chuckling.

"Jerold's…yeah. I've actually been a few times with Justin" I spoke off handedly…my mind working a million ways. Guilt poured through me as I thought about my loving partner…clueless to the turmoil that was racing through what he thought was he equally loving partner. "Um…Jack…I don't think that I can make this meeting" I lied…jumping off the chair as I tried like hell to get out of that office.

"What…are you fucking crazy?" Jack screamed out loudly…grabbing onto my arm as he forced me to turn and face him. "Look…I don't know what fucking game you are playing here Valenti…but if this Evans character is trying to give us some of his hard earned money…then by god we are going to take it…you hear me. Now be back here in forty five minutes or you will be so fired that it will make your head spin" With his final treat expelled…he pushed me away in disgust before sliding back into his chair. I just stared at him for a moment before walking away because I knew that I was going to need that full forty five minutes to compose myself…because I felt as if I was literally falling apart.

He found me exactly forty five minutes later…huddled in the empty showers as I tried to come to terms with running into Max again. "I don't think I can do this" I stammered…unable to move from my crouching position. "You have no idea who Max Evans is to me and I don't know what kind of games he is playing"

"Jesus Christ boy…you're a wreck. What was he your former boyfriend or something?" Jack questioned and I could hear the disgust in his voice because I knew that my being gay was one of the reasons he rarely talked to me. "You know what…I don't give a flying fuck what this man was to you…but what I do know is that he is willing to donate a million dollars to this school and your ass will be there to accept it" Before I knew what was happening I was being ripped off of the floor as he dragged me towards his car. No words were said as he drove down the busy streets…only shooting me looks of death at each traffic light that we came upon. My hands were shaking and I felt like I was going to vomit as the valet took the keys to Jack's beat up car…leaving us standing outside the fancy restaurants front door. "Pull it together Valenti…" I heard him speak beside me before grabbing me by the arm and leading me inside.

We were informed that Mr. Evans was running late as we were brought to our table and told that he wanted us to order anything we wanted before he arrived. I was too much of a nervous wreck to order anything other then a glass of mineral water. Jack however…took it upon himself to order not only a bottle of wine…but also several appetizers to go along with it. Max arrived several minutes later and as he walked towards our table I was once again amazed at just how much physically he had changed since I had last saw him. He was no longer a young man…nervous and unsure about his surroundings. Instead there was a confidence that extruded from him…one that demanded your attention and your approval. All eyes…including my own were upon him as he reached out table…introducing himself to Jack as he shook his hand…momentarily ignoring me as he did. However…once he did turn his attention towards me it was quite clear that Max was completely and totally in charge of what was about to happen.

"Kyle…it's so nice to see you again" He said…walking around the table towards me before leaning down and kissing me on the cheek. I was frozen solid as I felt warm and soft lips lay across my skin…my eyes closing in that instant as I lost myself in the closeness of his body. I was amazed at just how wonderful he smelt as I inhaled the subtle hints of his cologne.

"Iron man…" I whispered as the familiar scent continued to haunt me.

"You remembered" Max smiled at me…finally sitting down in the chair next to me. "It was the first bottle of cologne that I'd ever owned…the one that you bought me for my birthday. I've never used anything else ever since. It was like you knew exactly what was suited for me"

"Um…yeah" I muttered like a stone idiot…taking a drink of my water before I tried to utter anymore idiotic sounds.

"It really is nice to see you again Kyle" He went on…his voice soft and sexy…just like pure silk…which of course sent my neither regions a stirring. I was in a trance. Caught up in his scent…his handsome features…everything that was the man that whom I had given my heart to so many years before hand and then in an instant I was over it. "I've thought of you often over the years"

"Really Max?" I asked…slamming the water glass I still held in my hand loudly upon the table. "You've thought of me often…because I haven't thought about you at all" I lied…anger and upset forging their way across my entire body. "As far as I was concerned you were out of my life…until that night in New York"

"Um…you'll have to excuse Kyle here Mr. Evans" Jack spoke up…kicking me under the table as I bit my lip to keep from crying out in pain. "He's not been himself lately. Now…as to the matter of the very generous donation you called me about"

"Yes Max…lets discuss this generous donation that you decided to make to our school. What was it that we talked about that night in New York…one million I believe it was"

"Yes…one million" He replied with a smile as he looked at first Jack and then me. "I recall it very clearly now and it was one million" I could see the arrogance so clearly his hazel eyes and it only served to set me off more.

"Well actually…now that I think about it…I think that it was two million" I blurted out…placing my elbow upon the table before laying my chin upon it…making sure to look directly at Max.

"Right…two million…not a problem" Max spoke up…still shooting those same smug looks at me…as if to let me know that he was going to be the victor in whatever game he thought we were playing.

"Or was it…five million. Yes…I distinctly remember agreeing on five million" I took on the challenge…going so far as to share with him a smile of my own.

"We could go to ten million if it meant that I had you in my life once again" He replied with such a smug grin that I lost my sanity in a second.

"You couldn't pay me enough money to be as part of your life again" I cried out madly…pushing myself away from the table. "Did you really think that you could just show back up in my life and buy your way in?" I asked in amazement…standing before a man that no longer held his air of confidence any longer. "I gave up on you a long time ago and I have never looked back" Sure it was a huge mother of a lie…but I was damned determined that he was never going to know that. "I'm happy now Max. I have a fiancée and were getting married in six short months. We share a home…a life…a future…one without you in it. So I am sorry that you thought you could just pay your way back into my life and everything would be ok…because I hate to disappoint you but that is so not going to happen" My cries got louder as I slammed my hands upon the table. I knew that all eyes were on us…but I didn't care as I shot Jack a look of warning before storming out of the restaurant.

"Kyle…" I heard someone call out after me…someone that I didn't want to talk to and yet at the same time wanted to grab onto and never let go again. Ignoring his cries…I increased my pace…knocking into anyone that stood before me in order to get away. "Kyle…please" I heard his anguished cries continue as I turned to catch a glimpse of him out of my eye…knocking someone onto the ground in my attempts.

"I'm so sorry…" I rushed out…once again focusing my attention away from Max's…realizing that my luck was about to change. "Justin…shit are you ok?" I asked my lover…picking him up off of the ground before pulling him into my arms.

"What a surprise running into you down here" I heard him giggle as he wrapped his arms around my neck before leaning in to kiss me. "But a nice surprise"

"Yeah…a really nice surprise" I responded with fake intention as I turned my head and found Max standing off to the side behind me. He didn't say another word…but his eyes said it all before I turned back and gave all my attention to Justin. "So…I've missed you" I went on…sending my guilt soaring as I kissed him again. "You had lunch yet…because I am starving"

"Whoa…what's gotten into you?" Justin laughed…wrapping his arm around my waist as we began to walk away from the whole strange and ugly scene. "Hungry…I'm starved…but not for food" He growled against my ear. "So why don't we climb into my car and I can take us some place secluded so I can have my fill before you go back to work"

"I have a better idea…why don't we just go home" I said hopeful as we made our way towards his car.

"Home…but you have a game in a few hours and as much as I would love to take you home and let you have your way with me…I've got to meet with the owner of the gallery who is showing my work in about an hour. I didn't say another word…just allowed him to drive as I sat in deep thought while he did. Before I knew it we he was parking the car along a lonely stretch of woods not to far from the city. It was a place that he and I had found many years before hand and a place where we had done many a dirty things to each other when we felt randy and playful. "Care to join me in the back seat" He leered at me…already unbuttoning his shirt as he slide over the seat. I knew that it wasn't fair to be fucking Justin when it was Max that was inhabiting my mind…but I gave way just the same. Moments later he was riding my dick for all that it was worth…calling out my name with each stroke and yet all I could keep thinking about was how I wished that it was Max instead. "I'll see you at home later tonight" I heard him call out nearly an hour later after dropping me off at the school. I was terrified beyond belief at what waited for me hidden behind the doors of the locker room…because I knew that it was going to be something horrible.

"You mother fucking son of a bitch" I heard Jack cry out the moment that I entered the room. "What the fuck is the matter with you. You just cost this school a million dollar donation…money that could have been used for…"

"New sports equipment and uniforms for the teams…better medical equipment for me" I supplied for him…trying to walk past him.

"You think this is funny?" He ground out…catching me by the collar as he slammed me into the tiled wall behind us. "You just cost this school a million dollars and if I have anything to do with it…it will cost you your job as well" He breath was heated and liquor scented as he snarled and sneered at me…slamming me against the hardness at my backside one final time before leaving me gasping for breath.

I stayed hidden in my office for the rest of the day…only coming out at the team began to stagger in after a small pre-game practice. Jack didn't say a word to me the entire time that I prepared the players for the grueling game they were about to play…and I was more the a little ok with that. Once the game began I was too concerned with the welfare of the few players who had been injured to think about much else. However…it wasn't until afterwards as I sat on the sidelines of the field that I allowed the events of the day to play over again.

It was something that I did often after our home games…sitting alone on the field just thinking about what ever was weighing heavily upon my mind. In the previous months it had been Justin and our upcoming nuptials…but that night it was all about Max. I had so many emotions running through me that I didn't which way was up and what was done. I hated Max for leaving me the way that he did all those years before…but at the same time I knew why he did it. I didn't want to still be in love with him because in truth from the two times that I had seen him he was evident that he was a changed man…however I couldn't stop loving him despite everything. I wished that I could love Justin one once the way that I loved Max…but I knew in my heart that there was no way that was ever going to happen. I hated myself for being such a coward…for being such a wimp because I knew that I should just tell Justin the truth. I was a nervous wreck because I didn't know if I was ever going to see Max again and for the same reason was petrified at what might happen if I did. I needed to talk to someone in the worst way possible as I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket and dialed Michael Guerin's number…but before I could hit the send button I knew that I was no longer alone. "What are you doing here Max?" I asked without even turning to see who it was…because I already knew.

"I had to see you again Kyle. Had to try at least once more to speak to you…I just hope that you let me" I heard him reply as he walked out of the shadows…standing before me. "Can I sit?" He asked wearily…nodding towards the bench I was sitting upon. I didn't say anything just nodded my head as I took in a deep breath…expelling it as he settled in beside me. "That was a good game tonight" He began to speak again…staring out at the same empty field that I was staring at. "I hope the two men that got knocked out were ok"

"Max…please" I said quietly as I continued to stare straight ahead.

"Sorry…" He mumbled as he shuffled a bit beside me before speaking again. "It's just as I said…I just needed to see you again. You've been on my mind since that morning you ran into me in New York and I just wanted to know if you were ok"

"Do I look ok Max?" I asked as I turned to face him. "Or do I look like man whose life was somewhat on course before a certain former boyfriend came traipsing back into my life. What do you want from me Max? Why the lies about donations to a college that you know nothing about?" I continued to question him as I slide off the bench and walked moved away from him.

"I knew that the man that I still loved attended that college and then later found out he was working for it. I knew that I had to see you again…but I didn't think that you would be to keen on seeing me again just out of the blue. So I came up with this brilliant idea to donate some money to your school…in hopes that it would give me an in…but I can see now that it wasn't the correct way to go about things"

"No…not really" I supplied…wrapping my arms around my chest as I turned to face him. "What do you expect me to say Max?" I asked…exhausted and unsure as I awaited his reply.

"I don't know anymore Kyle…really I don't" Was his soft spoken reply as he gazed up at me with emotion packed eyes. "I guess that I expected you to just rush into my arms and tell me that you never stopped loving me…expected that you would give up everything and allow us to start over once again. I had hoped that you were single and still head over heels in love with me…like I still am with you…but I guess that won't be happing will it?" He questioned me…and I could hear the hopefulness in his voice…which only served to edge my exhaustion on even more.

"You just up and left my life almost five years ago Max. You plotted and schemed behind my back with my mother…leaving me alone and broken hearted afterwards. I know why you did it" I spoke up when he tried to speak…but as far as I was concerned it was my turn to speak after many years of heartbreak. "But…it didn't make it any less painful. I've got a new life now…one that doesn't include you. I've been with Justin for almost four years now and in that time he has put up with my shit everyday and only loved me more because of it. We own our own home…have a comfortable life and are getting married in less then six months. Justin's a wonderful man whom I love and with him I have everything that I've ever wanted…" I watched the way that his head moved up and down as he came to terms with my words…understanding floating in his eyes as he got up and silently began to walk away from me. "I should be the happiest man in the world…but I'm not" I cried out after him…watching as his body went rigid before turning to face me once again. "I was only truly happy when I was with you" I spoke truthfully. "And right now I am so confused…because I don't know what all this means…what you want from me or if I can even give it to you. Tell me what you want Max…"

"I want you Kyle" He spoke quickly…rushing towards me in a quick pace…cutting it short as I held my hands up and shook my head no.

"This is all happening to fast" I continued to hold my hands up as if it were some barrier that he could not cross.

"Kyle…look I know that this is all of a sudden and I know that you are angry at me for everything I did to you in the past…but I did what I had to do. You were willing to give everything in your life for me…and at that time I wasn't able to give you that back in return. You were so young and so strong and you had your whole life ahead of you…but I couldn't have told you if I was going to be alive six months or a year down the line. I didn't want to end things that way that I did…but you were so stubborn and hard headed that I knew it was the only way to get you to get on with your life. You seem to think that you were the only one that was affected…but it affected me as well. I was so depressed after I left you that I ended up in an institute for several months afterwards. I wanted to just give up and whither away…but I met someone who wouldn't allow it"

"The man that kissed you at the hotel?" I asked…not really wanting to know…but dying to at the same time.

"No…" Max chuckled…that was just an acquaintance of mine. "His name was Todd and he was an orderly there at the hospital. He showed me that there was still so much to live for…so much to fight for. His friendship gave me the strength to go on…to get better. Afterwards I moved to Austria where there were some new medical advances for my condition. I lived there for several years and even met someone that I shared my life with. As I continued to get better physically…he worked on making me better emotionally. He brought me out of my shell and proved to me that I had no reason to be afraid of the world and what it had to offer. He died just last year in a car accident and so I have been just floundering from one relationship to the other. I thought that I was happy with the way that my life was going…but then I saw you that day and I realized that I was more miserable then I was happy because I didn't have you in my life. There wasn't a day that went by after I left you that night that I didn't think about you. It was near maddening to know exactly where you were and not be able to see you…but I knew that I couldn't. You needed to move on in your life and despite the way that it killed me…I knew that I couldn't interfere until you were ready"

"Until I was ready?" I asked…puzzled at what those words meant.

"Yes Kyle…until you were ready because I always knew that despite the fact that I had to let you go in order to find your way…that one day I would get you back no matter what" His words had me in a tail spin as the world around me began to spin…only to grow worse as felt a pair of familiar arms wrap their way around my waist in order to hold me upright. "I still love you Kyle" I heard him whisper against my ear as I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch.

"No…" I cried out…pushing him away before I lost myself completely. "I'm not the same person that you left five years ago and you sure as hell are not the same person that left me five years ago" I defended…once again crossing my arms at my chest because I knew my words were right.

"No…technically were not…but deep down somewhere in the bottom of our hearts the love that was Kyle and Max so many years ago still exists. We just have to find them again and they can help us get to know the Kyle and Max of today"

"And what if I don't want to find them…don't want to get to know the new us" I said…wondering what the hell we were talking about.

"Kyle…I still love you no matter how hard you push me away and I know you still love me because you haven't left yet" He spoke up that same smug look from that afternoon screaming out at me. I wanted to be angry at him…wanted to tell him to fuck off and run away to the man that I had shared the previous four years with…but I did the complete opposite. What I did started a whole chain of events that I was powerless to stop and truth be told I didn't want to stop them once they had. Before he could utter another word I was crushing him against my body as I attacked his lips with a vigor that I didn't even know I owned. He returned the kiss just as passionately…our arms and hands grabbing…kneading as if life forms of their own. I would have been content to just have stayed there and played tonsil hockey with Max all night long…but I soon learned that he held other ideas. "Come back to my place" He said…not even allowing me to answer before he took my hand and led me towards his car. We made out for awhile longer in the parking lot of the stadium before he drove us to his home.

There was no time for any grand tour of his house…no time for idle chitchat as he offered me a refreshing drink as we stumbled and fumbled into his bedroom. We were completely naked as we fell to the bed…him on top as we became a tangled mess of arms and legs.

I tried to tell myself that what I was doing was wrong and deep inside I knew it was wrong…but I couldn't and didn't want to stop myself. I wanted Max…wanted him in a way that was so powerful that it didn't matter who I had to hurt and what I had to destroy to get it. I knew that in the end I was ruining what was once the only stable thing in my life…and for what I didn't know. Truth was that I didn't know this new Max…the one sucking my dick with an all fired consumption that I knew I was going to lose it any minute. He wasn't the same young man whose life I basically dominated all those years ago. This man was the complete opposite of that man and to tell you the truth I was a little bit afraid of him.

"Oh Jesus Kyle…I've been waiting for this day for so long now" I heard him moan as he licked and kissed his way up my body before kissing me senseless. I gave up all rational thought right then and there as I fell into that kiss…rolling him onto his back because it was now my turn to get reacquainted with that man I hardly knew anymore. I was amazed at just how different Max was as I straddled his hips…our dicks growing each second that passed as they laid side by side of each other. For a moment all I could do was sit there and stare at the beauty of a man that lay before me willing and waiting for whatever I was willing to give to him. He was perfection in the form of man…from his broad and sculptured chest to the rest of his well defined body that glistened with saliva and sweat from the tumble into his bed. His glorious mouth was slightly open as he seemed to be fighting for each and every breath that he took and it frightened me to my very core for a moment as memories of years past began to haunt me. "I'm ok…" I heard him speak…breaking me from my fearful thoughts as he reached out and captured my hand within his own. "I'm not the same sickly person that you knew before Kyle" I guess that he could see that I was one hundred percent convinced as he took my other hand into his free one and rolled us onto our side.

"I…um…" I tried to speak but with everything that had happened and was happening I found that I was at a complete and total loss for words.

"Kyle…look at me" He spoke softly as he released one hand and laid it gently upon my cheek. "I know that this is all happening so fast…but I want you to know that I won't push you into anything that you are not ready for" I found that I couldn't look at him as I stared at the pillow his head laid upon instead. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with Max…because it was something that I had dreamed about from the moment that he had left me. Instead it was the over whelming fear of the unknown that had me literally speechless and unable to perform like I wanted to.

"It's just…just to much" I spoke up…pushing myself away from the warmth of his body as I moved to the side of the bed. "Jesus…" I cried out in frustration…running my hands through my hair as I fought the urge to run screaming into the night.

"Kyle…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just barged my way back into you life" I heard him speak behind me…the rustling of the sheet catching my attention as I turned to face him. "It's just that I expected that you would still love me as much as I still love you and that you would want things to go back to the way that they were before. I didn't stop to think…nor did I care that you were in love with someone else and had a life that didn't include me. I know you think that when I left you that night that I just miraculously got over you…but that is far from the truth because I never got over you"

"I never got over you either" I cut him off before he could speak anymore words because I could tell that it was killing him to speak them…because it was killing me to hear them. "But…" I went on…putting my hand up as I saw hope flare up within his eyes. "Everything's different now. You're not that same person that you used to be in Roswell and I'm probably still that same person" I chuckled…because truth be told nothing expect for my age had really change about me. "But I have a different life now. I have Justin and a commitment towards him. We've been together for so long and I just can't let that go…not even for you" Once again I was taking the cowards way out…but at that time it was all that my battered mind was willing to do.

"You really love him don't you" Max questioned and I could see the tears in his eyes as he awaited my reply.

"He's been all I've known for the last four years. He's my rock…my savior" I replied…saying words that were the truth…hiding somewhat the full and honest truth. I knew that Max knew I wasn't telling the whole truth…but he didn't call me on it as he scrambled off the bed in search of our clothing.

"Coffee then?" He asked as he watched me dress once he had found them.

"I'd love a cup of coffee" I said with a small smile because now that I had Max back in my life I truly did not want the night to end…ever. We quickly moved from the bedroom and into the living room as he indicated for me to sit before he walked off into the kitchen to put on the coffee. A few minutes later he was holding out a steaming cup of Joe before sitting on the couch beside me. It was awkward and strange as we both sipped out coffee…trying like hell to avoid eye contact. I didn't know what to say and I guess neither did he as we continued to sit in uncomfortable silence. "You know nightly sports is on" I piped up after glancing at my watch…thankful to have something to finally say. "But you probably don't watch sports anymore" I spoke up again as I looked over at him.

"I watch it religiously" He chuckled as he reached for the remove before turning the TV on. "It's something that I kept with me even after leaving Roswell" And that was all we needed to end the strangeness between us. After that we talked on endlessly about sport scores…athletes…and who was getting traded and who wasn't. It was what we should have been talking about…but for us it was a start and before I knew it several hours had passed and without even noticing it Max had somehow ended up in my arms. "Boy…this brings me back" He spoke wistfully as he stared up at me with such saddened hope in his eyes. "I remember many a night spent in your arms watching the sports channels"

"I remember it too…" I replied…as I too took a stroll down memory lane with the man that I still loved. "We were such the odd couple back then weren't we?" I grinned at him…snuggling just a bit closer towards him. "If you would have told me that I would have fallen head over heels in love with someone like you were back then…I would have told you that you were nutso…then punched you in the face for good measure" I laughed…causing him to laugh as well and it felt truly amazing.

"I know…but I was so glad that you did" He smiled at me that same loving smile that had caused me to fall I love with him all those years ago. "I couldn't believe it when I realized that you thought of me more then just your sickly friend. I had been fantasying about you for so long before that and when it came true it was like the greatest dream I could imagine come to life"

"For me too" I whispered…moving another inch closer towards him until we were practically breathing the same air. I didn't want to fall for you…but there you were looking all sad and puppydogish and I couldn't help myself. I fell right away for your sickly charms" Both of us were smiling like complete idiots as ever so slowly our heads inclined until the press of lips could be felt between us. The kiss was soft and sweet and so much like the first kiss I had ever shared with Max before. Again I found myself in a position I didn't know how I had gotten into as I found myself laying atop him…his arms wrapped tightly around my side and back as we kissed and made out like horny teenagers. I don't know how much time had passed…only that it was late at the ringing of my cell phone broke the spell that had been cast over us. "Shit…it's Justin" I cried out…sliding off of Max as I slide as far across the couch from him as I could. "Hey baby…" I answered the phone…trying to hide the guilt I knew was screaming out from my voice. "No…I'm fine. I actually fell asleep at my desk if you can believe it" I lied for the first time every to my trusting partner. "No…I'm leaving now. I'll be home in a few minutes. Yeah…I love you too" I spoke more quietly as I ended the phone conversation…stuffing the cell phone back into my pockets before attempting to once again face Max.

"Come on…I'll drive you back to the stadium" I heard him speak as he disappeared out the front door…leaving me alone and once again drowning in a sea of guilt and confusion.

"So what do we do now?" Max asked as they sat outside the stadium as I leaned against my car more confused and upset then I was before.

"I don't know honestly" I replied…because I didn't know what to do or say at that moment in time.

"Well I do know that now that I have you in my live Kyle…I don't want to lose you again" He said…standing before me as he took my hand into his own.

"I don't want to lose you either Max" I whispered…giving his hand a squeeze. "But I don't think that I can give you what you want from me…not yet…maybe not ever" I continued…hating the fact that I was breaking his heart but I had to work some things out in my head first and as always there as Justin to think about.

"What do you mean?" I heard him question and I could hear the panic in his voice.

"It means that I have some thinking to do. I really do still love you Max…but I don't know if I am able to just give up everything that I had built in the last four years up for you and then there are other things to take into consideration as well"

"Justin…" He answered for me…tears misting his hazel eyes.

"Yes…Justin" I returned…tears playing havoc with my own eyes. "He's been amazing to me these last few years and despite the fact that I have always loved you…I love him as well. I can't just make a decision on the spot to end things with him in hopes of starting over with you" My words were truthful and they hurt both of us very much…but I knew that they had to be spoken. "I need time Max. I need time to think about everything and then once I have I can make my decision. I'll understand if you can't wait…because it's not fair to say that we will ever end up together in the end"

"I'll wait as long as I have to" He spoke up…still clutching my hand as he tugged me towards his body…engulfing me within his arms. "We belong together Kyle…I know it with every cell of my being…but I can wait until you make your decision. I'm not going anywhere…that is a promise that I make to you. I love you" He whispered against my ear as I closed my eyes and locked my arms around him as tight as I could. I truly didn't know what was going to happen with Max next…but I knew enough to know that I would love him no matter what…forever.

"I love you too" I replied…pressing a lingering kiss upon his lips before releasing him from my grasp. No other words were spoken as I stepped into my car…leaving him standing there as I drove home to a man whom I loved…but didn't know if I was truly in love with.

"You're wet" I heard Justin murmur against my shoulder as I slipped into bed after an extremely cold shower.

"Yeah…I decided to take a shower…didn't want to come to bed all grimy" I lied for the truth of the matter was that I didn't want to come to bed with the scent of Max covering me.

"Love you…" He mumbled…cuddling into the curve of my back before falling back to sleep. I however…was up most of the rest of the night as I tried to figure out in which direction I wanted my life to go. It was as if I was stuck at a fork in the road…one way leading to my stable life with Justin…the other leading to a world of unknowns with Max. I was more confused then I ever thought possible and loaded down with so much guilt that I felt as if it were suffocating me to death. I woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes wafting in the air and Justin singing off key in the kitchen. I knew that he had no idea what had transpired the night before…but I felt as if I was a flashing beacon screaming to the whole world that I was an adulterer. I stayed in bed for as long as I could…but knew I had to get up and face the music as Justin called upstairs alerting me that breakfast was ready. With full and utter dread I slowly made my way into the kitchen where I found Justin sitting at the table…face hidden behind a bridal magazine…which of course sent my guilt flying off of the charts. "Morning sleepyhead" He smiled at me…blowing me a kiss as he put his magazine down for a moment before delving back into all things pertaining to the wedding that I hadn't thought about in days since meeting Max again. "What do you think about having the color scheme of our wedding being the colors of the rainbow. I mean not to gaudy…but just enough to let people know that we are gay and proud of it" He droned on as I poured myself a cup of coffee before sitting down that the table with him.

"What ever you want honey…" I replied with no real vigor…but he didn't hear me as he went on and on about things that I could have cared less about. On and on he went about the wedding and what he wanted and didn't want…who he wanted to invite and who he didn't and with each word my guilt rose even more. I was amazed at just how much work Justin had actually put into this wedding and how much it would upset him if I made the decision to not go through with it. : "Justin…I need to talk to you" I cried out…scaring the shit out of him and myself as the magazine flew out of his hands and across the table.

"Ok…but you don't have to shout" He giggled…laying his hand upon the ones I was wringing into a bloody mess atop the table. "What's up?" He asked…staring me down as my heart began to race dramatically within my chest. "Oh wait…I bet I know" He went on…eyes locked on mine as I began to wring my hands even more until they were nearly numb.

"You…you do" I stammered…needing some space as I jerked my hands from under his before taking up speed walking around the kitchen.

"This is about last night isn't it?" He asked…as I prayed that the floor would just swallow me up…but I knew that I had to finally come clean. "About you falling asleep in your office. It's ok baby…I was just worried about you when you weren't home" Relief and anguish washed over me as I contemplated lying my way through everything…but I knew that I couldn't do that to Justin or myself any longer.

"I didn't fall asleep in my office last night" I spoke barely above a whisper as I held myself up by the stove before my trembling legs gave way and I fell to the ground.

"What do you mean?" He asked cautiously…staring me down with eyes so full of fear that it broke my heart in half. "If you weren't sleeping in your office then where were you then?" He asked and it was a fair question…and one that I hoped that I could find the courage to answer. "Kyle…" I heard him cry out a moment later as the images from the previous night played over in my head.

"I was with Max" I blurted out watching as he tried to figure out where he knew that name from and then the realization of whom it was once he did.

"Max…as in your first love Max?" He asked softly…his mouth slightly ajar as he continued to sit there staring at me. "Max…as in the one that just up and left you out of the blue one night?" He words got louder as he stood up from the table…his fists bunched up as he once again turned to face me. "Max as in the one that you haven't gotten over despite all that? So what were you doing with Max?" He asked hatefully…crossing those same bunched up fists across his chest. "What is he doing here in Montana? When did he get here? Did you fucking fuck him" The decibels rose with each question as I continued to stand there unable to move…much less answer any of the questions he had thrown at me. "Omg…Omg…Omg…you slept with him didn't you? You slept with him and that's why you came home so late. Omg…it's why you took a shower before you came to bed" He started ranting…trying to put two and two together and coming up pretty close to four just the same.

"Justin no…" I cried out after him as he ran off into the living room…grabbing him by the arm before he ran out the front door. "We didn't sleep together. I mean…we almost did…but then I couldn't…but then we were making out on the couch and…" I stammered….knowing that I was making things so much worse with each word that I spoke.

"I don't want to hear anymore" He cried out tearfully…placing his hands over his ears as he stared at me with such betrayal in his normally blue eyes that my heart shattered even more. Nodding my head in understanding I turned to walk away in order to give him some alone time…but he had other ideas. "So what are you going to do…leave me now for him?" I heard him question and it was a fair question…just one that I didn't have any solid answer to.

"No…I don't know" I cried out in frustration as I walked over to the couch and fell backwards onto it. "I love you Justin" I continued truthfully because I really did love him…I just didn't know if that love was enough to keep me from being with my first true love. "I really do love you" I repeated again…rubbing my hands across my forehead because I was beginning to get one bitch of a headache. "And I thought I was over Max…but then I saw him in New York and then…" I regretted those words the moment that they came out of my mouth as I looked over at Justin and saw complete and utter shock plastered across his face.

"You saw him in New York? The same New York where you proposed to me? Oh Jesus this just keeps getting better and better" He cried out as be began a not so subtle jaunt around the living room. "So let me get this straight…you ran into Max in New York…he told you what that he was with someone and then to get back at him you decided to ask me to marry you? Am I close you son of a bitch" His words got louder and for a moment all I could do was sit there because no matter how much I tried to deny it…he was practically right.

"It wasn't altogether like that" I tried to defend eventually…but again I knew I was lying as I took a deep breath and tried to start again. "I ran into someone as I was leaving the hotel room that morning and as I was walking away I heard him call out to me. I knew who it was the moment that I heard his voice and it was confirmed as I turned to find him standing there smiling at me. We were just talking and them you came storming out and I went after you. Yes he was with someone but I didn't ask you to marry me because of that…not entirely"

"Not entirely…" He shot out…stopping in front of me. "What exactly does that mean Kyle?"

"I don't know" I replied honestly…because I was so fucking confused that nothing was making sense anymore. "You were hounding me about getting married and then I ran into Max and he was with someone and I just asked you to marry me" Once again I knew that I had said the wrong thing as pure and heart crushing pain floated across Justin's face. "Justin…I didn't mean it the way that it came out"

"I can't be around you right now" He called out over his shoulder before rushing out the front door…slamming it loudly behind him.

Hours past…each longer and more drawn out then the last. I must have walked the inside of that house a hundred times…opened up drawers and doors as I looked for something to bide my time until Justin returned. Images of all sorts of nasty ideas plagued my mind and in each one Justin was dead and it was all because of me. Mid afternoon I was so much of a fucking mess that I began to comb the streets…Justin's haunts…anywhere I could think of that he might be I was there. Three hours later I was exhausted and near panic as I once again barged into the art studio he was working in and begged the owner to tell me where Justin was because I knew if anyone knew it would be her. Tears got the best of me as I feel exhausted into a nearby chair when she informed me that she hadn't seen Justin all day. I was lost and confused and so fearful that something was going to happen to him that I just didn't know what to do.

"Oh god…I've fucked everything up" I sobbed into my hands as I sat in the chair…bent forward as I hid my face in my hands. "I had the perfect life with Justin and I just fucked it up with what could have been with Max" My tears ran even harder down my face and into my hand as I continued to talk more to myself then to the women known as Chris. "I love him…I know that I do and yet I find myself in love with Max as well. What am I supposed to do?" I asked…looking up from my shell as I locked eyes with her equally tearful ones. "I just don't know what to do" I continued to watch her eyes as they darted from the back door of the small studio back towards me and I knew in an instant that Justin was there. Jumping off of the chair I rushed into the back room and found Justin standing in the middle of the room and he looked absolutely devastated. "Justin…" I cried out…rushing over to him in relief as I pulled him into my arms. "Jesus…I've been looking all over for you"

"I know…" He sniffled against my chest…his fingers digging into my back as he held onto me as if for dear life. "I'm ok…I just needed time to think"

"It's ok…" I sighed…kissing him softly upon his lips. "Let's just go home. We can work though all this bullshit later. Right now I just want to take you home and try and make up for all the pain that I've caused you"

"We can't go home…or at least I can't" His words hit me like a two ton brick as he pulled out of my embrace and stood tearfully before me. "I needed some time away to think and I've finally come to peace with my decision…somewhat" He attempted to smile…but it only haunted his face even more.

"Justin…we can work though this. I love you…you know that I do. Max was just a…I don't know what he was but I know where I belong now. With you…in our house together as a family" I defended…hurt that he was giving up on our relationship so quickly and still so fucking angry and confused about my feelings for Max.

"See that's the problem Kyle" He went on sadly…walking away from me before he began to speak again. "You say that you don't know what Max is to you…but we both know don't we. He's the love of your life. The first man you ever gave your heart to…the problem was that he never gave it back so you were unable to give it to me fully" I tried to defend myself…but I knew that everything he was saying was right. "I love you Kyle…Jesus I wish that I didn't…but I do and as much as I would love to stay and fight for you and what we have built together…I know that I won't ever win. I've always known that Max was important to you and maybe that was part of the reason that I fell so hard for you…because I knew that once you fell in love you loved forever. But…at the same time I knew that I was sharing you with a ghost and that if he were to ever return to you that I would lose you in the end. So we will try and end this with as much grace as possible. You need to go and figure things out with Max…just don't send me an invite to the wedding because I am sure that I will have plans of that day" He chuckled sadly…tears blazing down his face as he covered his mouth to hold back a sob.

"Justin please…don't give up on us so easily" I cried out…trying to pull him back into my arms because I was tired of the games and the fighting and just wanted my old safe life back. "Fight for us…like I am willing to fight for us"

"We shouldn't have to fight for our fucking relationship Kyle" He screamed…stunning me unmoving as he moved to yet another part of the room. "The minute that you fucked Max…or almost fucked him you changed everything" I could hear the anger and betrayed hurt in his voice…but it nearly killed me to read it on his face. "This…us…it's a losing battle…I know that now" I guess that he could read the upset on my face as he walked over towards me and pulled me into his arms. "I know that you love me Kyle and I appreciate that you are willing to give it another try…but you and I both know that it will only end up the same way…us hating each other in the end" I wanted to speak up…but the pain of his words was to much to bear as we clung to each other and cried for the loss of a love that at one time was grand.

"What so we do now?" I asked almost an hour later as we finally broke apart. "I just can't believe that it's come to this"

"I'm going to move out" He said with a small smile as moved away from me.

"What…no…Justin you don't have to move out. I'll move out. You can keep the house and I'll find another place to stay"

"No…I don't think that I can live there anymore. Not now…not after everything we've been through" I hated what was happening…hated it with an undying passion because it was hard and it was killing the two of us in the process. The fact was that I didn't want to live there either and for the very same reasons that Justin didn't. "We could sell it…split it down the middle fifty-fifty" He chuckled sadly…causing the pain level to double up once again because we both knew that was what we were going to have to do.

"Ok…we can work out the details later" I replied sadly…getting a nod from him in response. "What about tonight?" I asked…taking his hands into my own in order to let him know that I wasn't quite ready to let go of him just yet.

"Tonight we celebrate the passing of what was once the love of Kyle and Justin" He said with a smile as he gave my hand a tiny squeeze before leading us out of the studio. We made love that night for the final time. It was such a bittersweet experience as we shared in the pleasure and the loss. Afterwards we just held each other as we said out goodbyes for the final time. Our time together was over to quickly as with the incoming of the morning…Justin packed a small bag and walked out of my life. We vowed to never lose track of each other…but I knew that once the house was sold that there would be nothing left to tie us together.

I started drinking right after he left and it wasn't until I was about to pass out hours later that I finally stopped. It gave me a lot of time to think about everything that had happened since Max had just popped back into my life and with each drunken thought the angrier I got. I blamed Max for everything. I blamed him for leaving me on that day and waiting four years to try and find me again. It was his fault that I pined over him for years…hoping and praying that our paths would meet some day. I don't know why that was his fault…but in my altered mine it just was. I blamed him for breaking up the only other relationship that meant anything to me other then the one that we once shared. I was angry because I didn't believe that he had put as much time and effort into finding me and I had of him. It was all his fault and as the day passed I plotted for the day when I would see him again and beat the living shit out of him for being such a careless clod. I however…didn't have to wait long as the doorbell screamed out for me to answer the door and as I opened it…I found him standing there before me. "You mother fucker…" I cried out…lunging for him in attack…only to end up in the rose bushes lining the walkway instead.

"Jesus Kyle…look at you…you're a fucking mess" I heard him cry out…reaching out to help me …but I pushed him away despite the fact that I was being eaten alive by the very bush I had fallen into .

"I don't need your fucking help" I hollered back…literally rolling across the yard before using the mailbox to pull myself back up. I was vaguely aware of what I was saying and what I was doing as I once again lunged for the man whom I still blamed as the root of all my problems. "I fucking hate you" My cries echoed across the neighborhood as I pummeled him with my fists…but he was stronger and quicker as he grabbed onto my arms and literally dragged me into the house. "Get off me" My cries continued…much louder and more annoying in the confines of the house. "I said get off be" I cried out again…pushing him away and that time he let go as I once again hit the ground hard. "I don't need your help" I pushed his hand away as he bent down before me and once again tried to help me. With unsteady feet…I eventually pulled myself to my feet…only to fall backwards onto the couch before I had a chance to take a step. "He left me you know" I hiccupped…no fight left in me for the moment as I gave into my sadness.

"I know…it's why I'm here" He responded…sitting down on the loveseat across from me.

"How…how did you know?" I stammered on my words…unbelieving his.

"Justin told me. He showed up at my door this morning and told me that I he had left you and that he wanted me to take care of you" I could only sit there in stunned surprise…quickly turning to anger as I realized that Justin didn't even know who Max was…where he lived or how to find him.

"You fucking liar…" I screamed out…regretting it immediately as a flash of pain screamed across my temple. "There is no way that Justin told you anything. He doesn't know you or where you live. You're just making it up…now tell me how you know" I demanded…regretting it again as another bout of pain flared up. "Fuck…" I cried out…grabbing onto my head as I fell forward.

"Kyle…" I heard him cry out…but I didn't hear anything else as the room around me went dead silent. I came to hours later laying in my bed as Kyle sat on the other side of the room watching over me. "It's true you know" I heard him speak…grimacing in pain at the headache I knew I was going to have for quite a long time after my bender. "He just showed up at my front door this morning. I didn't know who he was at first…but as he kept staring at me…checking me out if you will…I soon figured it out"

"Why?" I croaked…closing my mouth and swallowing in order to save my parched throat.

"He said that you and he had come to a conclusion to end things and that he wanted to see for himself what you were leaving him for. I didn't know what to say…and I didn't have to as he continued to talk over anything I might have said. He told me that he knew you were going to start drinking and that you would need me. He wanted me to promise him that I would love you and never hurt you like I had done before. He told me that I now had a second chance and not to fuck it up or that this time I would lose you for good. He said that he loved you and hated me for coming between the two of you…but that he knew it was the right thing to do" He went silent for a few minutes before speaking again. "So does this mean that you made your decision?" His questions echoed across my mind…back and forth like a tennis ball being pounded on the court.

"No…" I whispered…swallowing once again. "I can't make that decision just yet…if ever"

"But why…I don't understand?" Again with another question as I fought the urge to bring up the entire contents of my stomach…which consisted of nothing but beer and hard liquor.

"Because I am so confused that I can't think straight" I spoke up finally…pushing past the pain in my head and my entire body as I pulled myself into a sitting position. "Because you just traipsed back into my life out of the blue and expected me to give up everything I had worked for" I knew that I wasn't being totally fair…but I didn't care. "Because I have no idea if you even gave me a second thought all those years you were in Europe turning yourself into this man I don't know anymore. I need some time to myself…need to be on my own for awhile before I even consider being with anyone else. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear…but it's the way that things are going to be. Please Max…just leave me alone for now and let me sort things through" I knew that I sounded like I was begging…because I was begging for some peace and solitude to clear my fucked up head.

"I leave for New York in the morning and won't be back for three weeks" He spoke up and I could hear the hurt in his voice…but I chose to ignore it. "I'll give you the time that you need and I'll wait a fair amount of time…but I won't wait forever. I know that you don't believe this Kyle and you probably don't' want to hear it…but I thought of you every single day that we were apart. I never stopped loving you and I never will. Just remember those words as you are trying to make up your mind" I watched through half closed eyes as he got up off the chair…stood in the doorway of the room for a few seconds before giving me what I asked for. I must have passed out once again because when I woke up the next morning I was even more confused then I was the night before.

Hours later as I lay lounging on the couch…trying to sleep off the hangover from hell the doorbell rang. I tried to ignore it…but with each chime it only served to kick my throbbing headache up a notch. "What?" I screamed as I opened the door…scaring the shit out of the delivery man standing before me with a box in his hands.

"I have a delivery for Mr. Kyle Valenti" He spoke up nervously…handing me the package after signing for it.

"Um…thank you. Let me get my wallet and…"

"No need sir…the tip was already included" He called out over his shoulder as he practically raced for his truck. I couldn't blame him because aside from looking like hell…I knew that I smelled like it as well. Shrugging…I closed the door and placed the package upon the coffee table…just staring at it because I already knew who it was from. Deciding to ignore it for the moment I went and took a shower…hiding under the heated drops of water for as long as I could before they turned ice cold. Changing into a pair of sweats and a tee shirt I made my way back downstairs once again forming a staring contest with the box.

"Fuck it…" I cried out to the empty room before tearing into the good sized box. The first thing I saw was a letter…written much like the one from so long ago. I was petrified to read it…but I knew that I had to as I pushed past my fears and lifted it from the box.

***Dear Kyle…

I know that you asked me to give you some time to be alone to think about everything that has happened…but I couldn't until you knew everything. You seem to think that you were the only one that was hurt by my decision…but it wasn't only you. You have in your head that despite everything…that I never put in the time to try and find you…to try and find myself back in your arms…but you'd be wrong. I'll admit that the first year that we were apart I didn't search for you…I couldn't because I needed to find myself first. However…there wasn't a day that didn't go by that I didn't think of you…dream of you and yes Kyle…I even cried over you.

Enclosed in this package you will find several items that I hope will prove to you that my words are true. I know that it seems foolish…even childish but these are the things that kept me sane while we were apart. The video game is something that I worked on after I signed myself out of the institution. It was a way to express my pain and loneliness through the two characters you see on the screen. It is a game almost as true today as it was when I made it…the character of Mack pining and chasing after the character of Lyle. I only hope that you play the game and once you reach the end…our real life mirrors it. As a side note…it also became the most popular gay video game ever and earned me millions in profits.***

Reaching into the box I retrieved that small cardboard box containing a game titled "Loses and Rewards…an adventure game from the makers of Maxim Thunder From Down Under. Ripping open the box I found what appeared to be a cute and quirky adventure game. It seemed that the main character was a odd looking man named Mack who was put through a chain of adventures as he chased another character named Lyle across the globe. I couldn't help but chuckle at the likeness of myself who was a hunky sports star on the run from the almost nerdy Mack. However…my smile quickly faded as I looked deeper into the box and found my old high school football jersey…color faded and apparently well worn.

***Yes that would be your high school jersey that you find next. I can still remember the first time that you wore it and how I had to practically beg and plead for you to allow me to borrow it. I was determined to never give it back…but now that I think about it something tells me that you had no intention of asking for it back anyways***

He was right…I had no intention of asking for it back because I loved the idea of Max wearing my jersey. He wore it often…most time trying to hide it but I always knew. Picking it up I brought it to my nose and I inhaled the scent of cologne wafting from it as it brought me back to years gone by when my life was happier and not so complicated.

***Believe it or not I've slept in this shirt every night except for tonight as I pack it away in hopes of proving my love for you***

Next to appear were a set of photos of different shapes and sizes…and in each one two fresh faced kids with smiles a mile long were found staring back at me. It was hard to believe that they had been only been taken five years prior…because at that very moment I felt about a million years old.

***The pictures have also been a constant in my life from that fateful day when everything changed. They are worn and ragged from constant viewings…but I love them just the same. I can't even count the many times that I found comfort in those pictures as I relived a time when I was happy and more in love with you then you can ever comprehend. The last thing you will find in the box is a another set of pictures…ones taken by a professional. You will also find a receipt for these photos paid out to a private investigator because I can no longer keep this a secret. I hired him to track you down…take pictures of you as to keep me as updated on your life as he could. I know that this may upset you so much that you may never want to speak to me again ever…but us meeting in the lobby of that hotel in New York was no mistake. I knew weeks in advance that you were going to be there and it took me almost that long to get up the nerve to set a plan in motion. I hope you don't hate me Kyle…but I was desperate to have you back in my life and I was willing to do anything and everything to get my wish.

The ball is now in your court Kyle. As I told you before I will be leaving town for three weeks to take care of some business in New York. I hope you take that time to think about everything I have said to you and everything you have read here. I know that you are scared…know that you think that we don't belong together anymore and maybe you're right…but maybe you're wrong. The truth of that matter Kyle is that I love you. I love you as much now as I did back then and nothing will ever force me to change those feelings. I love you Kyle…don't you get that yet and I want you back in my life so we can not only make up for the years that we lost…but begin again for the years that are ahead of us. Enclosed you will find every available way you can reach me. My cell number…E-mail address…Instant Messenger Screen Name and address to my office in New York. I'll be waiting to hear from you and if by chance you decide that you don't want to give us another change…then know that no matter what I will always love you. Max…***

Picking up the manila envelope I looked inside…tears rushing down my face as pictures of all shapes and sizes stood out before me. There were pictures of me during my second year of college hanging out in the quad as I roughhoused with a few of the players of the football team. There were pictures of various games that I played throughout my short time on the team…even ones of being carried off of the field on a stretcher after shattering both my knees. There were pictures of Justin and I and we sat out side on the stoop of our first apartment…trying to beat the heat but only adding to it as we made out like bandits. I found random pictures of me sitting in the park…walking to class and even one of me sleeping at a art lecture that Justin had dragged me to. I think that clincher for me was the stack of photos of my graduation as I received the diploma I had worked so hard for. It was apparent that Max had tried long and hard to keep tabs on me…even staying out of the picture once he found I was with someone other then himself. I was amazed that he had waited as long as he had before showing up back into my life…because if it had been me I was positive that I would have showed up sooner…not caring if there was another or not. I knew then and there that I still loved Max…hell I had never stopped…but in that moment I knew what I had to do.

Picking up the letter I had placed on the coffee table I dialed the number to his cell…hoping like hell that he'd answer. "Max Evans…" I heard his beautiful voice speak clearly across the line. "Hello…" I heard him speak again when I didn't reply to him right away. Hearing a small rustling I feared that he hung up…but then I heard his voice again and I knew that I had nothing to worry about. "I take it you opened the box?" He asked me softly…the line going dead for a few moments more before I was finally able to speak.

"I just need some time to come to terms with Justin leaving and everything I have just learned. Can you do that for me Max…just be my friend for now and once I am ready…allow me to make that first move?" I knew that I was asking for a lot…but it was a lot to deal with and I really needed time to work through it.

"I love you Kyle and I will wait for as long as you need…as long as it means that in the end you end up back in my bed" He teased…causing me to smile for the first time in days.

"Friends first…then we worry about whose bed I will be sleeping in…deal?" I gave back as good as he was giving.

"Deal…" He replied and I could hear the smile in his voice as he did. "I have to go…my flights leaving in less then an hour. I'll be in New York for three weeks…but anytime that you want to talk to me I am there. I love you Kyle…" And then thankfully the line went dead and all I could do was smile through my happy tears.

I didn't need three weeks to make my decision…it was basically made after I hung up the phone. That very night I started packing up my stuff because I knew that once Max came back from New York I was going to be with him no matter where he went. I really had no idea where Max lived. I knew that he was renting a house in Montana…but as far as I knew it wasn't his sole residence. I didn't care if he lived in New York or Tin Buck Too…all I knew was that I needed to be by his side. I called Justin and apologized for everything that had happened and after another bout of crying and declarations of love…I sold him the house outright for a dollar and went back to my task of packing. I talked to Max several times a day throughout those three weeks…most times were hours on end where we talked about everything under the sun and then other times we just listened to each other breath. By the second week I was so horny and desperate for Max that I ended up having my first ever round of phone sex…and it was fucking amazing. I knew that it couldn't compare to the real idea of having Max's body under mine…but it was a close second. That night after coming down from my high I finally told Max that I loved him…and I meant it.

Those three weeks seemed to go on forever…but it was the last few days that seemed to drag on the longest. I was so full of need and want of Max that I found even the simplest chore almost impossible to do. I took a leave of absence from the team…leaving it open ended because I really wasn't sure what was going to happen in my life once Max came back. I really didn't want to quit my job working for the university…but if it meant being away from Max from one minute more then necessary I was willing to part with it immediately. With just a few days left I had all my stuff packed up and ready for the move into the unknown…but it was a move that I was dying to take. I had been trying to call Max all day but had been getting his voice mail time and time again. I have to admit that I was starting to get a bit worried when he hadn't called me back…but I forgot about all my fears when there was a knock at my door and then before I had a chance to answer it…there was a Max standing in the foyer searching me out.

"What are you doing here?" I cried out…the two of us rushing towards each other as if in some sappy romantic movie.

"I couldn't wait another day…another minute…another second" He responded loudly as he crushed me within his arms the moment that our bodies came together. I don't know who initiated it first but out lips were soon pressed together in a needful kiss hello. We didn't even make it out of the foyer as we tumbled to the floor…clothes flying everywhere as we prepared to make love for real that time.

That night as Max and I made love for the first time in almost five years I finally realized what a fool I had been all long. I loved Justin…I really did but as he had said to me that night that everything ended between us…I had given my heart to Max and he had never given it back to me. I cried that night as he tenderly explored my body with mouth and hands that were rough and sensual all combined into one. I cried out my appreciation of love for him as he paid homage to my manhood…bringing onto me one of the most intense orgasms of my lifetime. He was equally as vocal and loving as I entered him ever so slowly as to prolong our coming together once again for as long as possible. I had only made love to Max one time before that night but as I did the memories of it inhabited me as I continued to make love to him on the floor. Our reunion wasn't a long as I had wanted it to be…but as I neared my second orgasm of that night…I cupped his penis within my hand and aided in the two of us coming together. I could barely move afterwards as I fell to his side…but that didn't stop him from pouncing on me as he kissed me for the better part of an hour. "I love you Max…" I finally uttered the words that had been trapped within my heart for so many years before hand.

"I love you too" He smiled down at me…kissing me once again. "So…um…you moving somewhere?" He asked…after breaking our kiss…taking in the packing mess around us.

"Uh huh…" I shook my head in response…my hands running up and down his back as he continued to lay atop me. "So…where exactly is home again?" I asked with a blush because I had no earthly idea where Max lived and if he even wanted me to move in with him.

"Well…that all depends on you" He grinned at me…his eyes full of laughter and merriment.

"Me…why?" I asked stupidly.

"Because for me home is wherever you are and the truth is that I don't care where we live as long as we are together" He whispered softly…tears misting his eyes as he did. It was at that exact moment in time that I realized just how much Max loved me and the extents he had gone to get me back in his life.

"Oh Jesus…I love you so much" I exclaimed loudly and proudly as I flipped him onto his back and proceeded to seduce him into another round of love making.

Two weeks later we finally moved into our new home in none other then Roswell New Mexico. Don't ask me how we ended up there because we had talked about moving to larger cities…even out of the country and yet there only seemed to be one correct place. I couldn't keep the smile off of my face on the day that we arrived…knowing that we were finally where we were supposed to be. We had it all there…our friends…our family and an undying and unlimited amount of love. It's amazing to me that its been almost ten years since we moved back to Roswell…but I couldn't have been happier.

Max is still extremely rich and getting richer everyday with his line of video games directed towards the gay market. He runs his business from his den most times…but every couple of months we take a trip to New York…he says to take care of business. However…taking care of business usually means taking care of me and I have no complaints with that. As for me…the first couple of years I just floundered around. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and how I wanted to fill my spare time when Max wasn't around. I basically became Max's house wife and for a time I was ok with that…but soon the itch to do something more then clean house and cook meals became to much. With Max's help I opened a sports club and within the first year it became very successful. I love my life. I never thought that I could be as happy as I am and I sure as hell never thought that it would be Max back in my life that was the cause of it. Our life is wonderful…but lately it feels like something's been missing. Oh don't get me wrong…I'm still head over heels in love with Maxwell Evans…but as I bounce Liz's son upon my knee I can't help but let my mind wonder as to what it would be like to have a child of our own to raise. Looking at Max as he sits across the room and with a smile full of love…I mouth "I love you" towards him.

"Love you too" He mouths back before I turn my attention back to the toddler in my lap. With a grin on my lips as I ooh and awe him…I know what I have to do. It's time for Max and I to have a long talk because I feel that it is now time to extend our loving family and as I glance at him gazing at me with such love and understanding in his eyes…I know that he will be open and willing to listen to what I have to say.

The End…for now!!!


End file.
